Hiya Gorgeous!
Do you ever wonder how you’re gonna get it all done? Or how you’ll make room for yourself when there don’t seem to be enough hours in the day?
I hear ya! While we can handle overbooked periods from time to time, being on a constant treadmill of commitments takes a toll on our health, happiness, creativity and meaningful pursuits. Maybe, just maybe, we’re all a little busier than we actually need to be.
Are we creating extra work and obligations when doing less might equal more benefits? Is getting things done the way we prove our worth? Do we stay busy to stay away from feelings we don’t want to feel? Or do we bite off more than we can chew for fear of letting others down or anxiety over speaking up? The truth is, there are many real and imaginary reasons why we put the pedal to the metal, but nothing will change if we don’t change our approach to busy living.
Today I want to share two experiences that made me re-think my cray cray schedule. Then I’ll give you some tips to help you make more time for your beautiful self!
I finally took time off… and no one needed me.
What?! For years, I dreamt of taking a vacation with my husband, but something always blocked our plans: doctor visits, speaking engagements, manuscript deadlines, product launches, renovations and one emergency after another. Finally, even though the week landed in the middle of a busy time for my company, we booked the tickets.
Of course I was nervous about what would happen in my absence.
But did the world explode? Nope! My team actually thrived without me. They made deeper bonds with each other, had time to check off old to-do’s and successfully wrapped up a big project. By the end of the week, they were proud of their work and couldn’t wait to share their shine with me. And while I felt proud too, I also felt a little off balance learning that my indispensability was part fantasy.
But I also learned to trust them more. Who doesn’t thrive when they’re trusted? And while taking time off is obviously important for my health, it’s also essential for the health of my company. I’m a more creative and clear-headed leader when I’ve had time to noodle, doodle and canoodle.
So maybe this scenario is true for you, too. Is your participation always essential? Can your colleagues run that meeting without you, can your kid make that peanut butter and jelly sandwich on her own, can you ask for help and delegate more at home and the office? There will always be ten more emails to read and endless demands on our time. But don’t be afraid to power down. I promise it will help you power up when and where it matters most.
Doing less can actually lead to more abundance.
Here’s another example that surprised me. Doing less made us earn more this year. Instead of focusing on lots of little business opportunities, we cut back and focused on our amazing wellness program, Crazy Sexy You.
At first I was worried.
Would pulling back hurt us financially? We’ve expanded our team significantly over the last two years and sometimes our monthly overhead gives me night sweats. Well, as you can probably imagine, saying “no” to lots of little (and even a few big) opportunities made room for us to put our total focus on our launch, our program and our beloved students. We went deep and the results were outstanding, both for our students’ experiences and success rates as well as our revenue. A two-fer!
I don’t know about you, but there’s so much I want to do with my big, beautiful life. I want to spend more time traveling, hanging with my friends and family, drifting in a canoe and dangling my feet off a dock. I want to be doing things I’ve dreamt of and stuff I haven’t even thought of yet. But endless “doing” doesn’t allow for the fulfillment of being. And isn’t that what you and I are here for? We’re here to live like we mean it and to drink in this delicious, sweet life before our next adventure. So let’s do that!
Here are a few tips to help you make space for what truly matters.
Tips for Doing Less and Living More
Let go of the guilt (and learn to disappoint people)
When you bite off more than you can chew, you’re going to disappoint people. Guess what? Not your problem! Here’s an idea: Make peace with guilt. Guilt is often a self-induced illusion, anyway. Many languages don’t even have a word for guilt. Sure, we all feel it. But that doesn’t mean we have to believe it! Acknowledge your feelings and let them go. Life is too short for guilt.
Keep emails, meetings and communications short
Just because someone sends you a long, chatty email doesn’t mean you need to respond in the same lengthy fashion. If I let it, my inbox can be a full-time job––but it doesn’t have to be. With so many technologies in our lives, the etiquette is ever-changing. Establishing a clean and brisk style of communicating may cause unease at first, but people will get on board and even be grateful. The same holds true for meetings. While we can still be friendly and build relationships, we don’t need to waste too many hours circling the wagons to nowhere. Connect smart. A restorative yoga class is waiting.
Delete, delete, delete
OK, I’ll admit it, sometimes I simply delete emails. Yup, I don’t answer them. But I do use an away message to let folks know that I’m focused on a project, so they may not hear back from me for a period of time. And if it’s really important they should either email my assistant or send their request through again after a certain date. Look, here’s the deal. We all have our own to-do lists, we don’t need other people’s “you-do” list on top of our already packed schedules. Folks will figure it out, they always do. Now, clearly this doesn’t work in every situation. So please use common sense––you can’t delete messages from your aging granny or boss, but the low hanging fruit doesn’t always need to be picked, especially when it comes in mass email form.
Let them judge
You can’t please everyone. When you’re too focused on living up to other people’s standards, you aren’t spending enough time raising your own. Sure, some people may whisper, complain and judge (and they ain’t your kinda people if they do). But for the most part, it’s all in your head. People care less about your actions than you think. Why? Because they have their own problems. However, when you do get the stink eye, try not to let it rattle you. It may just be because they’re jealous of the gutsy risks you take. Perhaps they’d also love to take action, but they’re too scared to make a move. Not your problem or your karma to figure out, just sayin’.
Do a social media cleanse
I love checking Facebook and following my friends and the people I admire on Instagram. But sometimes I spend more time in their lives than I do my own! When that happens, I feel off center or like I’m missing out. Why can’t I make a cake like that? How come I didn’t get invited to that party? How the hell does her hair always look so good? And so on. The truth is, my life and your life are awesome (flaws and all). So if you find yourself living through other people’s profiles, it’s probably time to step away from your device. You don’t have to delete your account or swear off the sauce. You may just need a break. Or you might want to tidy up your feed. That’s right, do an unfollowing purge. Energy matters and if your social feed is filled with energy that brings you down, raise your vibration by using the lovely “unfollow” button!
You don’t need to fix people
Oh my word, sometimes I offer to fix people who don’t ask to be fixed! It’s a product of what I do for a living, but that doesn’t mean it’s always welcomed or required. “You’re off duty Kris, chill the “F” out.” Part of healing or being successful is self-reliance. Nobody handed me the keys to the Queendom, I had to blaze my own trail. And while I love helping people, it’s not my job to save everyone, especially when folks have their own plans and agendas. The same holds true for wonderful you. Take all that energy and pour it back towards yourself, darling. You deserve your own time and attention.
Trust yourself (and others)
Trust is a core currency of any relationship. Sometimes our need to control and micromanage everything erodes our confidence in ourselves and others. People are much more capable than we think. A hearty dose of trust is often what’s needed to unlock the magic. Have faith.
Pace yourself
I love creative benders. I become a laser-focused and I thrive during those periods. But those jags aren’t sustainable. We need time to recover after big projects, both at home and at work. Plus, consistent back to back benders generally lead to burnout. When you have to go deep, (hello home renovation, I’m talking to you!) go for it. Just make sure you give yourself breathers to recover.
Choose your priorities wisely—don’t try to “have it all”
You can still be ambitious, run your own business, heal your body and be a nurturing and committed lover, parent and friend—maybe just not all at once. We have to make choices and sacrifices. Plus, here’s an important question I like to ask myself. Do you really want it all? I mean, all takes work and maintenance! All creates less time for wonder, whimsy and unexpected magic. We weren’t put on this planet to grind like ever-cranking engines that only stop when they seize. Figure out what your “all” is and then make space for miracles.
You are worthy just sitting still
Say what? This is a big one! I’m still learning how to be more present. When I am, I hear my body’s subtle messages before they get too loud. In music and theater, the beauty comes not only from the notes and the words, but from the spaces between them. I like to call it the sacred pause, it’s that expansive place where you can tap into your higher power, your intuition and healing. Doing nothing is sometimes the best investment in your life. There’s nothing you need to do or prove to anyone. You’re worthy just as you are.
Your turn: What are your tips for doing less and living or being more? Please let me know in the comments below—I love your suggestions! We can all help each other find more nourishing breathing room.
Peace & roomier days,
You give such are great encouragement. I love getting your emails and reading your blog.
Just because I have a phone, doesn’t mean I’m obliged to answer it. I’m on the computer all day at work during the week, so on the weekend, I generally take a vacation from it. My beautiful blues need a rest 🙂
I feel like social media takes too much of my time the delete button and opting out gives me some relief. Sometimes just veging out with tv gives me a rest. I need to learn to say no.
So wonderful Carol. We’re all learning. Big hug to you xo, kc
Sometimes it helps to make “the decision”. Quit fretting about right or wrong – just decide and then start on the path to make it happen. Today is my birthday and I am creating my new direction. Decision made – ready, set, go!
You rock, Debi! Sending you lots of love xo, kc
“Part of healing or being successful is self-reliance. Nobody handed me the keys to the Queendom, I had to blaze my own trail.”
You are to be congratulated for blazing your own trail; however, please remember there were probably other people in your life who help and support you in blazing your own trail. Otherwise, great article
After just completing your 21 day program, I initially worried about “adding” more to my day, and feeling overwhelmed. Maybe part of me joined TO be busy? Plot twist! I gained time, organized and felt more free. I’m keeping up the program, and when I make smoothies, I’m making enough for snacks as well.
It’s not my tip, but yours, but I wanted to share it! Thank you!
You’re a total rock star Michele! Thank you for sharing! xo, kc
Thanks Kris. Life is definitely hectic if we make it that way. I should know. I already healed myself from illness because of my lack of self care. But now I have five children and sometimes I literally don’t know when to stop because they keep needing me.
I love this post. The quote that most resonates with me is “We’re scared to power up and we’re scared to power down.” This is so true. You are one wise woman, Kris Carr! I’m a new entrepreneur with 3 little girls and finding work-like balance has certainly been a challenge. I really appreciate these tips. Thank you!
Great to hear this post. Always inspiring.
To me what is crucial to learn is to stop caring so much of what other people think or if I may disappoint them when I can’t do my 100%.
I think it’s good to be one self and learn to listen what your body and soul are truly asking.
Also it’s a very huge deal to don’t try to fix anyone. I always try to help my family. Specially my mum or father to live with less fear and more acceptance, instead of complaining. But guess what. It’s not working! I think I feel they won’t be able to make it out without me, but the reality is they have always been. So better just have a cappa and a sit with myself instead of wasting my time with worry. A huge cup of acceptance and a big dose of love and trust to them is what I really need!
Kris, thank you. There are so many important truths here, along with reality checks. Some of it hurts to swallow, but I have a sneaky suspicion that a more joyful, peaceful life just might result!
Beautifully said. Thank you for the inspirational words. I love the tip on short return emails. I’m going to start with that today.
This article is spot-on and exactly what I needed right now. I keep trying to convince others of this viewpoint, but no one seems to listen…but then again, I need a reality check often – as soon as I get a deposit notification from my freelance work
This is great.. I am learning to balance in my business and i am clear my health comes first. thanks for these tips
Kris, thank you for sharing this! your part on trust especially spoke to me, “People are much more capable than we think. A hearty dose of trust is often what’s needed to unlock the magic.”
When we try to control things, we’re claiming that noone is @ our level & that leaves us pretty lonely @ the top 😉
This article came at just at the right moment. I havent been feeling well recently and guilt was kicking in when I had to take time off work for me to recover. The guilt feeling always gets me, I have also been thinking of reducing my working hours from next year to look after myself but I’m already thinking that people are going to judge me for my decisions. I think sometimes you just need to let go of what people think of you and also be a bit selfish in some ways.
T2!!
Tony Tu?
WOW this hit every single spot for me. The hardest thing I have learnt over the past 2 years is saying no to invites/ people asking for help (in tasks which I believe they can do themselves) and trying my damn hardest not to feel guilty about it. It is so difficult and at the moment due to exhaustion I have stopped being so assertive and gone back to my old ways of having to be 100% and perfect. However today I have listened to my body and mind. I have taken the day off work at the last minute and have just reading planned. Stuff for me. The chores, gardening, emails etc will all wait tomorrow and yes I will feel guilty but I know it will stop me feeling so exhausted and the little voice “what about me?” will be just a bit quieter…. Its so tough in today’s world to switch off from all of it. When my husband and I went on holiday at the end of June and took no laptops or any devices other than our kindles and phones, a lot of people thought this was weird. We didn’t. We enjoyed not having tv, internet etc all the time. I want to incorporate it more into our life and just switch off. As you say the hardest lesson to learn is that the world is not going to fall apart with out you.
Resonating loud and clear.
Yes. yes. yes. I sent a text with two words..”No thanks.”
No reason given as to why I declined and I felt that was enough.
I have found that when I say no, people often don’t understand it and need more info and I have repeated my no. A quizzical look comes over their face. I leave it at that. I have my reasons. In response, I have been told that I am being harsh and could elaborate.
Why does the world want to be covered in marshmallows?
Sickly sweet…yuck. Do we need to be wrapped in bubblewrap?
Danger. Alert.
Time. I have found that my slice of the pie is 30%..my child is closely approaching adulthood and I am feeling the distance. Quality time is 20%. I appreciate every minute we share together even when my services are required to chauffeur, thats another chunk of the pie of quality time. Rest of the pie is taken up by work. Grateful heart and peaceful parenting and friendship to you all.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom.
Such great information, Kris! It’s funny how these are all things that I (and I’m sure many) know but the consistent reminder is so incredibly helpful.
Thank you so much. I always appreciate tips that give me the go ahead or right to nurture myself so that I can truly live a sustainable and enjoyable life with everyone else. I also really liked the article and infographic on sugar and GI foods with the A B C ratings. 🙂
I love your comment about disappointing people… a tough thing to do for us people pleasers but absolutely necessary to set realistic expectations! I do take objection to the ‘not having it all’ comment though… I recently explored this on my blog. My two cents: Having it all is about a shift in PERSPECTIVE, not about what you might actually have or not have.
just awsome!
Thank you for this post, Kris! Making time for myself and my well-being has always been a bit of an opportunity area
for me, and reading this came at a perfect time. I am currently having an internal debate on whether or not to go on a scheduled business trip after being sick for almost a week and still not feeling 100%. Health > work. The meetings will go on!
Thanks for all your work and inspiration. I started juicing this year after finding your books and am loving it! ❤❤❤
Hello Kris! I wanted to let you know that I’ve linked to this wonderful post in my monthly round-up of the best things I’ve found on the web. I hope you have a lovely day!
This blog post couldn’t come in the more right time for me. I’m on the edge of having my head blowing off, because I don’t have time to pee. Saved it in my Evernote under title “Modus Operandi” . Switched of the phone. Went for a walk. Love you Kris, Thanks a lot for this post.
Exacrly what Ive been avoiding yet totally need to hear.
thankyou for all that you inspire and do! 🙂
Thanks you for this timely reminder, I really needed to hear this! I too have had a chronic illness (CFS/ME) and I wrote a blog called ‘Do Your Best & Leave The Rest’, whose message has the same meaning.
Love & thanks for all the brilliant work you do for others! Nicky xx
I am the worst person on the planet when it comes to this issue. I work 7 days a week as a childcare provider. I have children in care from 6:15 to 12 midnight. I wish I could be better about making some “me” time.
Thank you for this! I was just listening to a podcast interview you did, where you talked about how 2013 was about going back to your introverted self and feeding your soul. It brought me to tears! I so need that right now! I am struggling with what my body needs, and finding myself turning to food for comfort.
Do you ever have days where you just want a beer or a slice of pizza? Do you allow yourself to indulge from time to time? Or are there ever days when you just want to say “screw it! If I have to make another green drink I’m going to hurt someone!” How do you mange?
Thanks!!
I’m resisting taking time for myself, so this blog post was suggested to me. Thank you. Still battling with the guilt and ‘what if’s’, but it really does help to have reminders. It’s not just a cuppa tea I need, I need to sit still and be with me and decide where I go next. Teabreaks are easy for me…it’s the big ones that I struggle with. Thank you for sharing this.
I love this blog.
I am actually working on keeping things simple –
and I really do believe that LESS is more.
I am finding as well that my absence allows for people to build
stronger relations to their work, confidence and it allows to shine a light on their unique contribution in the workplace. It also alters our relationship for the better; because they too don’t think that the work will roll down hill, it build trust and allows for a new dimension in our relationship not to mention more creativity and listening to their inner guidance-independent – that is were the real creativity comes from.
Kris I love you simplicity
And the love how you manage to pack allow of value and love in a few words-it really is soul food
Thanks
I need to print this list out and tape it to every visible surface in my home and office. I am the worst at getting all perfectionist-y and in the zone while wanting to fix people, please people, save the world, etc. I wind up getting exhausted without coming close to reaching perfection. It just takes the fun out of living, doesn’t it?
Hey kris!!
Heres what i got from this:
the blog post was longer than I was expecting!!!
i guess you wont read this 🙁 but understand!!
I totally agree and can sense the freedom and liberation – love it! Love it , love it!!!
Thank you- YES it resonates 🙂 and it made me smile 🙂
Xxx
Khris as a beautiful mazer filled with wisdom 🙂 🙂
Wow, every bit of this was helpful for me to read! I have the tendency to “over-do” and it’s sad that I have to get the “ok” from someone else that I don’t have to do everything I’m doing and that it’s okay to piss people off 🙂 thank you!!
This was a great post Kris!! I struggle with this all the time. I have also discovered that the world doesn’t end when I take time off, but it is still hard to do sometimes. The place I am challenged is in the judgement from my staff. It’s a great reminder that they may be jealous or just dealing with their own “stuff” that can bring the judgement. I am continually “practicing” the balance of this! On another note – this email inspired me to decline a meeting tonight that I feel I should go to, but I really feel like I need time to myself. It was a strange sensation to send it knowing I can make it….but it feels like the right decision.
thx…for your article how to do less and live more…this was very encouraging…I also feel the need to fix people with the result FRUSTRATION…and I also take to heart things people say…I am so critical on myself because of that…I’m great and so are you!
I need to remind myself of these points daily! Soaking in nature, allowing the rain to pleasantly trickle on my skin, breathing in deeply and allowing myself to just ‘be’ are a few ways I remain present, calm and sane (a biggie!). It’s a like a mini-meditation sesh while walking to work 🙂
Great post!
Thank you so much, Kris! This is so pertinent right now. It always is; especially now– So much love 🙂 xoxox
Test your current actions by imagining you’ve been dead for 100 years & then been granted one day of life back on earth. How would you spend it?
Kris, Thanks for a wonderful article! You are so good with words, and I’m really inspired!
I was just journaling last night about this very thing! This definitely spoke to me, and you’re right- when you put it so simply it really IS a blow to the ego as well as a wake-up call! My husband, who is retired, wants me to take a month of work to travel (not during the Summer when I am off from teaching but during the off-season in the Fall). Kris, you inspire me to do this now! Ever since I was little I have been goal-driven and defined by my accomplishments, so my work means a lot to me, but so does everything in my crowded Life. Always striving to be the BEST at what one does is REALLY exhausting. Now I just need to figure out how to break this way of equating my identity and who I am with what I do in a day (I am well-known by friends and family as being VERY list oriented. Well, the first step is identifying the problem, right? Here we go….
Disappointing people is the worst! I do my best to meet everyone’s needs and, truthfully, it’s nearly impossible to meet everyone’s needs all the time. I am bound to disappoint someone I love. I’ll say in advance, “I love you but I love myself as well and I need to say, “no” from time to time.”
these are all great tips and reminders.
Unplugging can be one of the best investments!
thank you
Something I am so thankful you wrote(and I needed to read). Thank you, Kris!
From, Chris
Wow! Making peace with my guilt. I can hardly wrap my mind around this amazing concept. There isn’t a moment of any day where I don’t feel that I’m letting someone in my life down. I told my boyfriend the other day that I feel like an animal trapped in a cage, with my kids, family, and colleagues standing in a circle, taking turns poking me with sticks. Every so often, they’ll open the cage door long enough to allow me to do something for them, and then, back in the cage I go.
It really is a cage I created by wanting to be everything to everybody, all the time. Every bar is made up of obligations, demands, expectations and welded together by my feelings of inadequacy. And the crazy thing is, I hold the key. I have to feel worthy to escape it. Thank you so much for this post. I am currently, tentatively taking a step out of that cage today, at work and at home.
Hells yeah!
I’m taking my life back from my virtual master, gmail.
Lots of love and deleting,
A
This post was like a massage to my spirit. You’re oh so right, let them judge.
I loved reading this blog post! You’ve definitely inspired me to eat better and take greater care of my body, mind, and spirit! 🙂
I just ordered one of your books. Looking forward to receiving it in the mail!
Thanks & be blessed!
~Kassy
I have hit the delete button…and…the world didn’t blow up, no one dragged me away kicking and screaming. It was liberating. It’s nice to know the world will keep on spinning even when I take time out. I like it when I can kick back with a green smoothie in hand and breath easy. Cheers.
Thanks for addressing this issue, Kris. I have found the same thing in my life. I’ve been constantly going since the birth of my four children, multitasking every day. That was over 30 years ago! For the last 10 years I’ve been trying to allow myself the guilt-free time to just enjoy the scenery or my own creations. Less is More. More time for the expression of who we are and our place in the bigger whole. Namaste.
Oooo, gurrrl, I needed permission to let people down. I am worthy! Halleluyer! 🙂 Needed every single word in this post. Thank you.
This is SO perfect and I really needed it today. A couple of friends called and texted to go out but I feel like relaxing and spending some me time is needed. Also I was worried about needing to leave early to do some volunteer work at the local zoo for their Easter fundraiser next weekend and after reading this I realize my work will not fall apart during my absence.
Hi Kris, this is great. I made this my new year’s resolution for 2013. I quit all my committee jobs (PTA, school board etc) condensed my part time job into 3 days rather than 4 shorter days, and have been spending more time in my garden and doing and art class. You know what, the whole place didn’t fall down around me either! 🙂 Other people stepped up to do the committee work, the kids have become much more helpful because I do less.. my workplace copes with the less days… it’s all good! I have more time to prepare healthier food, and do some exercise (things I never made time for before). Thanks for posting this!!
Best one yet!
This is great. I was laughing to myself the other day because I’ve always used the excuse of my kids taking up all my time for not green juicing. We’ve recently turned a corner and I’ve valued myself enough to take it seriously. My kids have witnessed this and wanted to be involved. Now my kids make the green juice and have some too- double win! Amazing how life can change around what is important to you.
Genius sophie!
Exactly what I needed to hear! As always. Thanks!
Perfectly timed message — per usual!
Lately, I’ve struggled feeling guilty not answering people’s emails — I always feel like I’ll be perceived as rude, ungrateful, mean-spirited and that since they took the time to email me, I should take the time to respond. And believe me, I truly want to respond. BUT, I end up spending hours writing people back and my high priority stuff gets shoved to the back burner.
Thanks for the extra boost I needed to be at peace just hitting delete sometimes or instead offering up a couple line response vs. a 10-page novel. Love the wisdom!
Thanks, this is great.
Sitting silently, doing nothing, spring comes and the grass grows by itself.
I know a lot of these things and have even written about them but it was wonderful and timely to receive that reminder and to get your unique insights to begin my ‘roomier’ day!
Thank you
Great stuff, Kris! This totally speaks to me! This year I’ve been practicing a couple of hours of ‘doing nothing’ to my days. There is so much profoundness to be found in doing nothing and just “Being”.
Happy spring to you, Brian & Lola!
Stunning. Loved it. xx
Awesome post Kris!
This is the first time I’ve visited your site and learned about you. And… I LOVE what you got goin’ on!!! High five!! This post couldn’t be more timely for where I am in life. Thank you!!
Great, welcome Julianna!
JUST what I needed to hear right now! Thanks so much! (I do think you might have just exploded a few heads when you said “you can’t have it all”, lol! Sadly, so many are being raised to think that they can, all the time, and it can be overwhelming the amount of pressure they put on themselves. Personally, I needed the “you can’t fix people that haven’t asked to be fixed”. I learn cool things about natural health and want to share the wealth of information with all my sick friends and family. Let’s just say, they aren’t all open to new ideas, haha! It can be very frustrating! Sigh. Thanks my friend!
Thanks for sharing! It did resonate with me because I’ve embarked on a new journey and I’ve been feeling overwhelmed and feeling off balance and I’ve been deleting e-mails, wanting to take a break or remove things that are not essential to me and I’ve been feeling guilty about feeling this way. So this exactly what I needed to hear, thank you!
YES! THANK YOU!! NEEDED THIS!
I really liked your article Kriss. I have been battling this for years and am therapy to try and help myself. I took my first step by telling my daughters (in their mid 30’s) that I needed to HEAR their appreciation for me and the things I do for them more often and more direct. They each have 3 children all of them under 10 and I do my best to help them out, even if it means putting me aside. That is OK sometimes, but sometimes I have to learn how to say no. I was so scared to talk with them because I thought they wouldn’t love me as much. Funny, they told me they understood, would try harder to show appreciation (and they have), but most of all they were glad I talked to them and spoke up. They want me to be happy too.
I have great daughters who seem to be smarter than I am now. 🙂
Hi Kris,
This is Alex from Malaysia. Agreed 100% of your article. Been reading your books and following your web & blog but this is my first time writing to you. Really admire your gut and the glow you have been showing all this while. Me and my wife Vin are both vegetarian for the past 9 years. We really enjoy your books so far. Will be getting your latest Crazy Sexy Kitchen soon. If you got the time check out this book….”When Things Fall Apart” by Pema Chodron published by Shambala Classics. It is really awesome. Thanks. Peace & Glows to you…..
Thank you Kris! This is something I am currently struggling with. I am certain this world will stop spinning if I stop first. *head bang* Booking my well deserved, long over due vacation TODAY!
PS- Saw you in Vegas. You rocked. (My toes still curl when I eat those dang brussel sprouts! ; ) Hope you told Chad thank you)
Well said Kris. I am a nurse for 29 yrs now and am constantly balancing what I give to others with what I give to myself. Sometimes, the most healing thing to do is to stop, and be still, in the here and now. We’re not called human BEINGS for nothing. – I sure do appreciate what you do share with others ! – Debra
This is an amazing article, thank you so much for taking the time to write it. I am currently working on simplifying my life and creating more “time”. I’m trying to figure out what tasks I just don’t need to do anymore. But I have noticed that as I create “time” I just start filling it! This article is a great reminder that its ok to say no and take for yourself.
Wow, did this post ever resonate! I feel like you climbed inside my head and wrote it for me. I am in my 5th week off from work as I go through treatment for thyroid cancer. After a short visit to work today I noted that despite 5 weeks of my absence – everything was running beautifully! It was a lesson to see that, and then to come home and read this – a powerful lesson and connection. This is the lesson I need to return to work with so that I can continue to feel well, heal, and lead a more balanced life. Thank you!
Your last point most resonated with me, Kris. At times, I feel like if I’m not a flurry of activity, or at least planning an activity, I’m not being productive. As a result, I miss out on my body cues to slow down or lay down (napping, need more of it in my life) so that I CAN be productive. Thanks for the reminder.
Thank you, Kris, for another fantastic post! So much resonated with me. PS – my hubby referred to kale the other day as “crazy sexy kale” 🙂
We have a saying in our household modeled after the movie, Babe. The farmer is saying good job to Babe… and we say to ourselves and to each other: “That’ll do, Pig.”
It’s sooo loving!
Kris-you have such a nice way of stating your ideas-clean crisp and concise. I love your blog. Thank you! Dimple
I love this post. I love that someone said (out loud) that its ok not to be perfect and its ok to want “us” time. great points Kris!
GREAT post, Kris. I appreciate the reminders especially today. Each point you make resonated but I give props to No. 1. Letting go guilt and being willing to disappoint people occasionally is tough but necessary. I disappointed someone just this morning and, as the stories of guilt and shame began to run in my head I stopped them short of overwhelming me and allowed myself to be human, to be vulnerable, to be imperfect and to love myself BECAUSE of these. You are a wonder.
I needed this message. I’m a Type-A personality and perfectionistic. The last point really resonated. I have a hard time just stopping and reading a book or flipping through a magazine or just sitting. I often feel like I’m wasting time. I heard of a book long ago (that I have yet to read) called “When I Relax I Feel Guilty”. Maybe now’s the time to read it??
Thanks for sharing your personal life with your readers.
Thank you Kris for this most timely message. As I sit reading today, I find myself marveling at the perfect timing of your message. I am a business owner too and literally FORCED myself to take this week off due to exhaustion and adrenal fatigue. I am searching for ways to simplify my over committed life and make more time for me, fun and prioritize my health. I am a thirteen year breast cancer victor and know the importance of taking care of myself but some how, some way life always seems to take precedent. At 54, I value my health more than ever! Thank you SO much for the thump upside my head – again!!! :-).
Be Well Naturally,
Michelle
This rocks! I particularly like the tips – ‘Disappoint people’ and ‘Let them judge’ – so easy to get hung up on this – it reminded me to put my focus on what I want to be doing and why…and that’s ok! Thank you, Kris.
Hi Kris
so inspiring and true. We just don’t allow our self’s the time we need to recharge. Your advice is spot on and like you I am not perfect at it, but have been kinder to myself by deleting a lot and scheduling in ME time.
thanks for your amazing blogs and advice.
Sue
I’m so happy some of these nuggets resonate with you all. I work on this topic constantly! Definitely not an expert — yet. 🙂 x
Really loved this reminder, Kris. thank you! It made think of something my inner voice has been telling me lately… you are already enough. With or without my next project or success – I do enough. I have enough. I am enough – every single day.
Loved this! All true and I’ve experienced similar :-). Affirms my need to unplug today
Thank you!
Mary
I am a firm believer in the art of doing nothing. Doing nothing with a furry being is like, the best thing ever. xo
FANTASTIC post! Many of your topics hit close to home, but this one goes above and beyond in importance. We are culturally attached to the idea of being busy and deep down it ties directly into our idea of self-worth. This is the deep work, but so important for creating true health, happiness, and balance. Yes to drinking the green juice and thank you for taking us beyond that to the deeper issues.
Hi Kris,
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. The post definitely resonates!
I recently realize that If I’m not physically and emotionally well ( and that may require periodically distancing myself from constant and total engagement with friends, events, etc…) then I can’t be of any true benefit to anyone.
As someone who prides herself in “always being there” I’ve struggled with feeling like I’d be perceived as a little bitchy. But as time goes by, I’m embracing that.
It’s okay to be a little diva sometimes.
🙂
Rock on!
OUCH. This post may have hurt my ego, but I think it will save my body and spirit. Thank you for sharing, and all the best! *Love and light*
Dear Kris,
Thank you!
and you rock.
xo
Kathleen
I absolutely love this post, and I have to say that I am such a fan of your voice, Kris. This is something that I constantly struggle with, but it’s mostly due to old icky guilt-laden, silent relationship contracts from old dead relationships (abusive ex-husband).
Years later, I still have his “Speed up that hamster wheel” demands in my body and brain, and I struggle with these. My childhood was very much the same.
As an artist, it is absolutely imperative that I move at my own pace, and my biggest aha was when I realized that you never get your time back, and busy doesn’t equal quality of work, life, or time. It’s just space filler — kinda like empty calories. You get filled up but you’re nutritional needs aren’t getting met, so you’re always starving. And busywork creates a disconnect from meaningful work such that I feel psychically starved.
Thank you for this lovely, loving, truth-filled reminder. Oh, and by the way, this is a long post, I suppose but I type and think fast. 🙂
Great points Kellie. So glad you shared. Give your self permission to stop struggling. Use that GLORIOUS voice.
I LOVE this post! It’s something we all need to hear and it’s SO true. Trusting that everyone will be ok and even better if you take care of you is so great! And I like the beauty in the spaces between… space to breathe, space for new ideas and yumminess to flow… Thank you!
bravo. words to live by
BOY! Yes this resonates; thank you.
Could I copy/paste some of your comment?
Gratitude for your muchly appreciated words. It’s so nice to hear to take more time for yourself in this world of chaos. When I take the time to thrive my personal life thrives and my business thrives. Thank you so much for the tips and especial to let guilt go! Buh- bye!!
Smiles
Janelle
Thank you for saying what we all need to hear – even though we know it – we ignore it. Why do we feel we have to accomplish so much ? And why are we unable to focus that energy as easily on our own healing and love for others?
Stop and smell the roses…. 🙂
My personal mantra: I’m perfectly imperfect in all aspects of my life. Some days I do less than what I’m capable of because a quiet moment to myself is much more valuable.
Awesome and I sure did need to hear everything you just said! Thanks, Chris!
Love this post, Kris! Thanks for your thoughts and inspiration.
Wow Kris! I am so thankful for this post today!
I just quit my job, ended a relationship and I am giving up my gorgeous apartment in the city to chase my dream of living in beautiful British Columbia. I’m so excited to give up the hussle, bustle and noise to live in a more sustainable way, in tune with nature and inspired by our incredible universe! I feel in my heart this is the right thing, but it’s a little terrifying if I think about it too much. its so sad leaving loved ones, i really needed to hear that people dont need me as much as i think they do!!! Thank you for this post. It gave me peace and confidence when I really needed it. We are all so lucky to have you in our lives and I thank you for being such a beacon of light truth and love!!! Rock on, Unicorn! We love you!!!
I love this, love this, love this. This article resonated with me big time. Thanks for this hugely validating reminder that it’s okay that I’m not living up to my type A+++ standards. I’m ever striving to be type A-minus! In particular, I still feel little pangs of guilt here and there that I’m not the ultra-involved elementary school parent I’m “supposed” to be. After my mastectomy and radiation a couple years ago, I felt I “should” get out there and volunteer AND work full time, even as an older mom who’d just gone through cancer treatment. I was involved in a couple different things at school and tried to contribute wherever I could on top of a 2-hour daily commute whenever I had my son for the bulk of the school week. Boy, did I learn my lesson when my adrenals said, “Oh, honey, I don’t think so.” I had to let almost everything at school go, and I am so glad I did. Most of the moms are almost 5 or more years younger than I am, and most have more time, more energy, more income, different circumstances, and live closer to the school. And guess what? Nobody needs me! Just my son needs me to be the least stressed out, healthiest mom I can be. It’s been SUCH a relief! Thanks again, Kris, for blogs that make me say “Amen, sistah!” time and time again!
Great article – thanks very much. It all makes a lot of sense. I can identify with so much of what you say. xxx
Excellent! I completely agree with you on all of it, 100%!!! I especially like the part about always wanting to fix people that don’t want to be fixed. I have been working on this. It’s just nice to see it in words, and know that I am not the only one in the world that does this!
Thank you for so many great reminders, full of compassion and humor!
Luv u!
LB
I just deleted my entire email box because I’m committed to staying focused on B-School. Love that Google+ but not so happy with the gazillion email notices that nudge me to get distracted. I’m doing great staying away from Facebook but I have to tell ya, the beach is calling . . .
Thanks for reminding me to relax a bit on this Kris . . . I’m in my “third act”, you’d think I would have it down by now ; )
I really needed this today. I have been in that horrible headspace, where I am trying to do so much that I land up doing absolutely nothing. I think it does stem from this need of wanting to be further in my journey and my business than I currently am. Taking stock and appreciating where i am right now is so valid, so important. I am enough – thanks Kris 🙂
Indeed,thank you Kriscarr for shinning the beacon to stop and think to do less and live more,no guilt.With love
Wow Kris. This totally resonated with me. It took a cancer diagnosis to force me to take 3 weeks and go to the Hippocrates Health Institute to take care of me and only me. And the world did not explode without me. My family survived. The multiple employers that I have over committed myself to for years survived. I discovered this AMAZING thing called alone time and I found it very addictive. A little over a year later, I find myself almost falling into those same patterns again, but I take myself back to those three weeks and how I felt and remind myself that feeling that way is always the goal.
I am going to print your post and put it on my wall as another reminder. I think it is the MOST important part of my healing,
Thank you! xoxoxo
I’m working 6 to 7 days a week and it all ends in June. It is too much and I’m getting better at managing it all but I need to let people who depend on me too much be disappointed. I know I’m great at what I do but I need to limit how much I give it too and to whom.
Wonderful post, Kris! I repeatedly find that breaks are 100% needed in order to crank out my best work. We love feeling needed, and it’s so easy to become addicted to that feeling and just keep pushing. I’ve lost touch with myself many times that way. My self-care time is super important and non-negotiable for that reason. It really is bittersweet to realize that the earth will spin even when you’re not busy turning it! Thanks for the much-needed reminder to listen to my instincts and trust my body – as well as the people around me. xoxo.
I totally understand where you’re going here, Kris! I just wish it was that simple, especially being a mom, where everyone totally relies on ME. “Doing less” simply isn’t an option most of the time. And, I’m not sure everyone would agree that deleting emails is such a great idea, particularly in a work environment and if a person’s well-being (and his/her family) is dependent on keeping a job especially in this day and age. Single moms particularly have a heavy burden, so I am not so sure some of these points are relateable to everyone. However, I do understand the intent of this post! 🙂
Your email/ blog came at a time when I needed to figure out what was most important…ME, if I’m not doing these things for myself than I’m no bueno to my family/friends etc. your words were inspiration to just BE, and not DO so much and to remind myself of healthy boundaries, and stop feeling guilty when I can’t do more. Thank you!
Loved it. Wise words and sound advice.
I know what you mean Kris! I recently scheduled my google calendar because Marie says if you don’t schedule it, it won’t get done. So I scheduled the entire day from 6:30am to 8pm, to create a routine for myself as well so I can get a handle on my adrenals and overall hormonal health.
BUT, this didn’t work too well. I scheduled too much and didn’t leave time for ‘what ifs’ or ‘uh ohs’.
I found that once I realized the over committed schedule was killing my drive and creativity, I felt better taking on one big project at a time. I’m writing a book right now, I can’t do absolutely everything else all at once that is required to also get my biz flying. In a couple of months when the book is done then I can take on my B-School learnings and really incorporate them. I can create that perfect avatar for my book! and one foot in front of the other.
It doesn’t all have to happen at once, that’s what I’m resonating with this post.
xoxox
k
I can totally relate to your comment. I have written a My Most Important Tasks thing, which is in front of my desk and it lists only three things: Finish this project, then redesign website and then worry about marketing it all 🙂
I still get caught sometimes but it does help to keep me focused on one big task at a time.
I keep putting the big book off because I think my website isn’t pretty enough…. then realise that doesn’t actually make any difference to my business earning anything 🙂
I actually scheduled in a creativity day today – kinda counter intuitive but hey, it is also my reward day 🙂
Hi Kim!
I use the MIT list too and it has helped my productivity majorly! One thing I add to the list is the attitude I want to bring to the tasks that I’m accomplishing that day – sometimes it’s Rocking CEO other days it’s Experienced Confidence, whatever it is, creating a focused attitude really helps me!
I’m also a B-school alum who’s repeating it now for the second time. Congratulations on writing your book! I’m not sure if you’ve looked at the avatar exercise yet for B-School, but if you haven’t I highly recommend doing it – at least a rough draft – so you can be clear about the ins and outs of your ideal customer for your book. It will help you talk to her/him in a much more clear voice and hopefully save you from lots of editing at the end. Way to stay focused on your MITs!
Good luck!
Sara 🙂
This might sound really silly, but I’ve finally managed to not let Twitter control my life as much anymore. Crissy, one of my Twitter friends, posted a few weeks ago that she’s finally getting caught up after being disconnected for a while. And I thought, hey I should be disconnecting too! I was glued to Twitter constantly just to make sure I’m up to date with everything that’s happening. If I’m super busy during the day because of work, I would set a side an hour or two in the evening to read all the tweets in my timeline. Sometimes I would be up late at night trying to get caught up, which means feeling tired in the morning when I didn’t have to be. And also, my boyfriend would get mad when I check tweets when we’re together. I ultimately realized it’s not worth it. Now, I only check tweets when I have a spare moment. I’m happier now and let’s face it, if something’s really important, it will be retweeted and I just might catch it the next time I check my timeline. If not, I’m a-okay with it. I don’t have to know everything :).
Thanks Kris, This resonates. Since my Fathers recent passing I have been torn apart from every angle.
Exhausted…… I need serious healing time for me. I am the oldest and people look to me for everything .
I gotta take care of myself and say no,set boundaries . After reading this I will……And not feel guilty.
p.s. I bought and love your book.
This blog is awesome! Delivered at the perfect time. Love this part the most: the world will keep spinning even if you step back and nurture yourself. Delegating tasks to others is also an act of respect trust, that, other members of our family/business/team- that they, too, have the same God given talents & skills- its only in our consciousness to keep believing that nobody can do it better than I could. Thanks for this eye opener, Kris!
I love this message. I think that sometimes the best diet that we can go on is the “Rest” diet. Rest is like a vitamin that we are all deficient in and we refuse to do much about it as a society built on achievement.
Rest is often the missing ingredient in healing. We all have different reasons for not being able to rest but for me it’s because self worth is tied into accomplishment. The most powerful thing you said was “You are worthy just sitting still”.
That carries in it a thousand watts of healing power if we can simply soak in its wisdom. But believing this truth takes a lot of conscious effort because we must separate (rebel against) the unhealthy rhythms and values of society.
Spiritual growth and health means to me, understanding that your value has nothing to do with what you do.
We were all put on this earth with a soul mission to accomplish and a unique contribution to make, but we have a lifetime to do it so we can all slow down a bit.
Thank you! I needed to hear this today. I often remind myself that things don’t have to be perfect – just good enough. I have much more peace with this mentality. -But it’s a constant process…
I so needed to hear this TODAY!
Grateful…
Words to live by Chris.
I was misdiagnosed for months was given birth control bills as treatment for menopause. You can imagine how much good that did me. Ovarian cancer got a bit of a head start. I had surgery, great doctors…I’m lucky as hell I’m still here, fighting. It’s the Battle in Seattle!
One of the first things to arrive in the mail was your book, Crazy Sexy Cancer Kitchen, the DVD, Crazy Sexy Cancer and a Green Star juicer, from my brother, Martin and his wife Lora.
I watched and learned. Read cover to cover. Started juicing, cooking, exercising, reading your site and, most of all, trying to focus on what was happening to my emotional health. I’m no doctor and what I heard scared me badly. So I chose the path of ‘you do your job, and I’ll do mine’.
I knew that I couldn’t do it all. I had to trust my doctors, family, friends and co-workers. REALLY trust them. Let go of the attitude I’ve always cultivated that depending on people was weak. Unnecessary. That I can do it, whatever it is, by myself. There are lovely, wonderful, amazing groups of people. Volunteers, organizations, books, programs…family, friends and co-workers. You are not alone. I found Kris Carr two days after surgery. I found out I wasn’t alone. That I could participate in my healing. I am sick, but my doctor hugged me last time she saw me. I look so good!
So thanks for sharing, again, words to live by.
Now don’t answer this email!
Laura
Thank you Kris!! This is so true. I check my email obsessively, yet there are times I’m away and checking email daily isn’t an option, and it feels great! When I do get online, I realize, I haven’t missed a thing. If I can incorporate that kind of space in my regular life, rather than just on vacation…time, space, bliss.
Thank you, Kris! It’s all true, honest, and pertinent! You gave me permission to set aside my ego and “let go” so to speak. Brief email responses to none at all is a good one for me!
Thanks for the great post. Lately, I’ve been trying to “adjust” my outlook and I already feel happier and healthier with this new mantra. This post was just a reminder to keep on that track!
-Monica
sigh…:)
So encouraging a necessary – a dose of realism people are afraid to admit they need: a big dose of personal grace
I love this post!!! Most of those tools I use to manage my own life for a few years now…. prioritize…. do what is more important to you first…. take care of you loved ones more than of your job because you job can easily replace you!!!
But I find it is so easy to get caught up again… you need to keep reminder eveywhere… and seeing a post like this one really does help resetting once again!
thanks kris
xox
Spot on, Kris. No need to say more, but that you offered me a wisp of fresh air. And breathing was what I needed most right now, ha !
Thanks !
LOL! Are you living in my house, Kris? 🙂 Every Jan. I participate in a White Stone Ceremony and get a word for focus during the year. This year? “Self-care”. So this month I kept saying, “Yes” even when my quiet voice was whispering, “Hmmmm, really? Think you might say “No!” this time?” For a couple of months, I have been thinking that:
1. I wanted some time in my home all alone (we are retired and home together alot),
2. I wanted more time in silence (actually hear the birds outside the window and my kitty’s sighs) and
3. It was time for “Being” instead of “Doing” for a while.
Meanwhile, I continued to say, “Yes”.
Five days ago I awoke – NO voice (ah the silence), my husband being scheduled 5 days a week for a temporary job (ah, alone time at home) and feeling so crummy (coughing, sneezing) all I could do was listen to the birds and my kitty’s sighs (ah, BEING).
Oh my gosh, am I GRATEFUL!! This time I got the message loud and clear. As I know my thoughts will come to fruition anyway, by intentionally, clearly, roaring “YES!” to ME, and my self-care, ultimately we all win. (and I don’t have to leave it up to the Universe to interpret how to give me what I ask for!!) Thank you, Kris, for being so authentic and giving us an opportunity to take a look, too!!
Kris, I love you!!! This is sooo timely. I especially connected with “disappointing people.” I feel like I’m constantly disappointed by people which makes me want to over-achieve even more. I never want anyone to be disappointed by me. But then I end up spreading myself too thin. You’re so right. It’s okay and even healthy to just let go sometimes. thank you!
xo, mridu
Beautiful perspective. If one has a hard time converting to a slower life – mileage, remember that ‘Doing less’ is an advanced practice! It is very easy to keep moving, once we ‘park’ – that’s when the real work begins.
Thank you for putting this into words. It is okay to be busy & it is okay to NOT be busy. Peace.
This is EXACTLY what I needed today. You inspire me to be who I want to be and not someone that others think I should be. Thank you for that!!!
I have learned a lot cooking my way through your cookbook. It has truly been a lesson in prioritizing my life. After taking sometime to invest in things outside my family, I now have a crystal clear view of what is important. I am on to my last recipe today, and then I will go back to a brighter version of my old life. I will be wiser and more appreciative of the simple things. I am so glad I took the journey. It was well worth it most days, and also a little disappointing on others. The point is I grew as a person in so many ways, and that is priceless. So as I prepare to disappear and except the fact that not too many people will miss me blabbing about this or that. I will take pride knowing I did a good job. I made the people who love me proud, and I made myself proud. Not to mention I am now an awesome cook! So thank you for the inspiration to have an adventure. That is the thing about trying something new, you never know what you are in for, or how it will turn out. Yet, somehow it shapes you, and changes you. It makes you better:) Now I have one last recipe to make, and I plan on fully being present to savor each last step preparing it… And tomorrow I will savor Peace and Roomier days. Thank you!
Greatest blog! I have always been selfemployed and before all this technology, I remember getting off work on Fri. starting my weekend at the beach or lake with my friends. We just had fun, so going back to work on Monday was no big deal because we were relaxed and rested. By the way I made plenty of money and had a great quality of life. Friends knew how to find everyone so we weren’t staring at the phone waiting for a text. We were actually having face to face conversations, “what a concept”
I so needed to read this today! I have recently taken on too much and was feeling awful. I am going to definitely abbreviate my email response style. I love that you included that some languages have no word for guilt! That’s a huge obstacle for me…I’ll let you know how it goes!
Thank you for this Kris. I am so busy with work and school it’s difficult to accept that I can’t do everything perfectly. I feel guilty when I miss a workout or don’t do as well on an exam as I think I should. This is no way to live!! Time to let it go and live more 🙂
I love this reminder that we don’t need to do it ALL. It is so easy to get wrapped up in doing more and more and being better and better. We feel such pressure, especially when hearing women say that ‘they have it ALL’….do they really? We hear women say this then start looking at ourselves wondering if we really do have it all.
Similar to this post, I removed the term ‘busy’ from my vocabulary. Busy is a choice. Instead I like to describe what I have been up to.
Haved lived through all of your suggestions and am standing taller and straighter…..
To say this was exactly what I needed to read today is a huge understatement. Thank you for this article. I already saved it for future reminders. Have a great day Kris.
Kris, I think this is beautiful advice, and I do think sometimes we can be our worst critics and work ourselves into the ground for no good reason. However, American society is always “go, go, go” and the expectation is that if you are not working harder than the guy next to you, you’re behind in the game. I hate this about our society, how do we cut back and learn to slow down when our society is racing by every minute. I certainly can’t keep up.
I’ll keep this brief… Just wanted to let you know your message is being heard and making an impact. Thank You!
Resonation is an understatement. This post blew my mind. I struggle with most of these things often, especially the ones “you cant give it all” and “you cant have it all”. Ive been learning over the last year to priortise my work, and to let go of trying to be the ‘best’ at everything I do. In the last 6 months, the notion of letting go has enabled my emotional and physical investments into my close relationships with my partner, family and friends blossom, and Im feeling much more balanced. I paint often, dance 5rhythms religiously every Friday night, and play my tibetian singing bowl before heading out for the day. I say NO more, and find I wisely choose events/activities that align with my core values. PLUS I drink vege juice.. I bought your e-book and love it!
Yep. I’m so with ya sister. This has been a huge life lesson for me this year. I bit off way more than I could chew, and even though I was passionately interested in learning and experiencing all the great things I took on–it was waaaay to much. I am burnt, fried, off center and my family became very resentful of what seemed like my priorities (especially my five year old daughter!).
So, I have completely revamped my life situation and have re-evaluated what my needs are and acted accordingly. I am amazed at my new found energy, the light shining within all of us and the all around joy in the house.
It’s a great feeling knowing that taking care of me, could be so important for everyone around me! And those I had to disappoint in the process? Will be just fine and I cannot worry about it. A hard lesson for me as well, but like you (and us all), I am worth it and I release the need to carry their guilt!
Smooch! Thanks Kris!
This really resonated with me, as I’m currently an over-worked and under-paid intern. I’ve been trying to focus more on myself and my needs, and especially my health. I had a breakdown last week, because life is just getting overwhelming, and I didn’t know how to deal with it.
My brilliant mother has always told me to take care of my body and my health, and I haven’t always listened. I think for me, taking the time to say, “can’t talk now, but I’m listening,” or “can’t talk now, I’m having some “me” time,” will be really helpful. I am constantly feeling like I have to respond to everyone, and take care of everyone. It’s not my job! It’s my job to take care of ME! Thank you, Kris!!
The timing of this article was just the booty kick I need. I am beyond overcommitted. Figuring how to NOT live my life this way moving forward is my primary focus right now. Thank you for these insights and motivation!
“Busy doesn’t always mean productive” and “doing nothing is also doing something” were 2 very useful quotes that people at my then office told me when I was sick 😉
We tend to confuse our worth with what we do so if we stop doing, who are we? And do we still have value ourselves? The question sometimes is what am I running from? And it’s strange cause what we run from is usually ourselves, and our shadow; this feeling of unworthiness but when we stop and just be.. We realize that we have plenty more love inside that we reconnect with, not just the shadow 😉 We are more than enough, and as a yoga teacher once said and now I say to classes where I give a relaxation break: “you are Strong enough to rest” 😉 I loved reading this! And the responses! Thanks again, you boundary-setting fiend!!
How many people are SO OVERLY BUSY . . . they don’t even have time to be a friend? I just started studying Buddhist philosophy, which is listening to your inner voice, and living with intention and mindfulness. It is life changing . . . attitude changing . . . and calming. Every class is finding time to be with one’s self and listen to your inner being. And here you are reinforcing all that I am learning! Thank you!
The “you can’t fix everyone” is something I need to take to heart. I feel pressured to be the go-to girl for answers, and it often creates stress. I need to learn to step back and breathe so I can focus on what I am here to do!
This is a big one! Taking more time for myself and saying no was my resolution this year, and if feels great
Thank you for this! It TOTALLY resonates for me at a time when I’m feeling stretched WAY too thin and trying to find more time and more joy. Thank you!
This was just what I needed to hear today. I recently had a bunch of new projects and work plopped on top of me, and my to-do lists have doubled in size. But all of it is self-imposed, and so I am quite determined to manage it all very slowly and gracefully, at a pace that doesn’t compromise my well-being. These are excellent tips on how to do that, and why it should be a priority.
As a creative, I especially connect to the messages of sometimes less is enough, and that we don’t need to “grind like ever-cranking engines that only stop when they seize.” (Love that!) When I push myself to keep working, I produce mediocre work that needs to be fixed later when I’m in a genuine creative zone. Stopping and chilling is essential and makes the results that much better.
Thanks fot this important reminder, Kris! 🙂
I was actually just thinking about how guilt and pity are useless feelings. I loved the music metaphor you made! There’s beauty in negative, paused, white space. Thank you, Kris!
Reminds me of this story.
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/10/28/magazine/the-island-where-people-forget-to-die.html?pagewanted=all
I often try to tell myself “Live life as if you are on vacation: you have full choices of picking the activities for the day and they are all fun, and the only ‘task’ is to enjoy yourself, make friends, laugh. “
This is just what I needed to hear this morning. Lately I have been replacing “having it all” with finding balance. I love creating balance in my life because it creates the space for me to say no, take a breather, not show up, and take myself in to consideration. I realized that I was constantly taking on projects I had no business being on, or nurturing people who were totally capable of nurturing themselves, and I was wondering why I was feeling less than amazing. I have chosen to put myself first for awhile and take on things that I am excited about, I have given myself permission to be lazy every once and awhile, and enjoy being with my husband and friends. It has allowed me to be more present in life, and be grateful for the abundance around me. When you are constantly chasing everything around like a chicken with your head cut off, your missing what life has to offer.
I cannot count the many ways in which you inspire me!!!! But I must say that my biggest inspiration has been seeing the homeless animals that you spotlight on your page. I am a nutritionist that is just launching my business (in B School so watch out world here I come lol!) & I want to say THANK YOU SO MUCH for giving me permission to do what I want, or rather for reminding me that I can do whatever I want! I LOVE animals & always rescue & am now a foster mama too & I cannot wait until I write my first newletter & showcase a dog that needs a home 🙂 Sending you more love than you can imagine!
Just what i needed to hear today, Kris! Here’s to laughing at my own delusions of grandure! xoxo
Kris – Thank you for this post! I just returned from a wonderful 3 week (!) vacation with my family, and immediately upon arriving home, went into hyper-active mode – resuming all of the activities I had previously needed a break from, with even more fervor. Your last reminder about sitting still then, was especially poignant. I had wound myself up so much in my 3 days home, that by yesterday afternoon I needed to just ‘do nothing’ for a little bit. I had to repeat several times that I am worthy of that…We all are : )
Wow, straight to the heart. I’m going to be pondering this entire article as I make some wrenching decisions about my work this week. Thank you for bringing me just the right message at just the right time, exactly as it should have been. 🙂
Love this! I’ve taken on too much lately, and despite eating very “clean”, I got really sick a few days ago. At first I was pretty annoyed, but my body was giving me a sign! Food is a very important part of the puzzle but does not give us a free ticket….
I also wanted to say that this is also a really important message for parents. We live in this world where on top of our work and our family obligations, parents are driving their kids from activity to activity. I see so many kids in our neighborhood whose schedules are filled to the brim with no downtime. I had a moment a few years ago with my three little kids, that I new I had to make a choice. That soccer in the yard is perfect for a 5 year old and mama lead art projects have to do the trick. And I hope I by giving them the gift of time, they get the space to dream up their passions…
Thank you!! Just what I needed confirmed. Somehow I am arriving at just this concept but it really helps to hear it from outside myself!!
Kris, you are totally right. I loved this post a lot. Love you.
This is a great reminder. It is calming to know that I can step in and out of the chaos world without feeling like I’m going to be needed.
Dear Kris,
Thank you so much for your blog. I look forward to reading every one. This one is very timely as I am going through a very tough divorce, and am moving next week and have to look after a 4 year old as well! It’s absolutely full on (I related to your previous post about adrenal exhaustion too – I suffer from it) but I manage to get through each day.
The biggest point for me in this post is “Let them Judge”… because I left my ex-husband and it is in the courts and it hasn’t been a pretty journey but it has been an awesome one as I feel more empowered as time goes on. Anyway I do feel people’s judgements and criticism behind my back but I also feel that a lot of it is ‘in my head’ too as you explained. They all have their own problems to deal with. I am learning to get a thick skin and continue on – it is my journey and I know I’m on the right path.
Peace and love (and green juices! haha)
Kate xoxo
I thought this was absolutely spot on! Life doesn’t end when we stop to take care of ourselves. If we don’t stop to refuel we will burn out. I’m learning this right now as well.
Since I was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease 7 months ago, I realized that if I don’t slow down and allow my body to rest I could kill myself. The stress and anxiety is not worth being ill or death. It’s sad when it takes a life threatening illness or encounter to make us realize we need to let to, calm down, and relax.
Thank you for sharing this blog post. It just validates that making sure #1 is taken care of is the best medicine. We must value ourselves as much as we value the everyday tasks in our lives.
And to think I also deleted this without reading it 🙂 I stay pretty true to what my soul needs. I’m an introvert (but most don’t believe it) and it’s even more critical for me to say ‘NO’ to participating in every event or party invitation; read every blog I subscribe to; read every email sent and/or respond to ‘lengthy’ emails from friends. It took me quite some time to be OK with saying ‘YES’ to me more as it felt selfish at times. I’m sure I have friends that think, “Shelley rarely shows up to the parties/Shelley rarely emails me. Maybe she’s having problems/depressed/anti-social.” I’m ok with that. At the end of the day, my true friends know I care about them (as I tell them), and if people have a problem with it; THEY have a problem with it. Thanks Kris; you Rock!
Way to go Kris! I’ve been a wellness coach for almost sixteen years and I have learned many of the same lessons. My business is changing and growing and I really needed this reminder. I love the idea of “just deleting an email.” Did your finger hover over the delete button for a few seconds the first time or did you just hit and not look back? One of the greatest lessons I learned as a coach came from Cheryl Richardson, learning to say no to grace. It is an art unto itself. And my favorite Danielle Laporteism “If it isn’t a hell YES then it’s a hell NO!” As someone living and shooting to thrive with a cancer diagnosis you inspire me every day Kris. Off to rebound and whip up some green juice. Thanks for your always honest and real sharing. Rock on Wellness Warrior!
This is totally me. I try to please EVERYONE. It’s so annoying because I know I do it and I try to stop but I can’t!!! I’m in my last year of university in Australia and have SO much to do and SO much to juggle. I have people around me that can help me out, but I feel like they don’t do it as well as me. Example- household chores, dishes, vacuuming etc. I live with my brother and even though he is more than capable of doing these things, he just doesn’t do it to my “standards”. It’s so annoying and I wish I could let these silly things go, I’d have so much time for myself!
Amazing post and I wholeheartedly agree! Keep being that awesome you that lights up the world one day at a time 🙂
I can deeply relate to this post, as I am smack dab in a “taking some time for myself” session. For about a week, I have felt the strong need to slow down and to take some time to just read and to focus on upgrading my skills in an area that I am passionate about.
For the most part, this has been okay with those in my life, but I have had one or two, who always seem to have some type of “breakdown” as soon as I put up the do-not-disturb sign. And the “breakdowns” are the most petty things–and I realized that I need to evaluate those relationships that are draining me.
As I move in this new direction in my life, I am trying to find the balance between holding on and letting go. Some of those close to me are apparently seeking more of an “outside-in” life experience, while I am seeking an “inside-out” experience, where my focus steams from my inner world, my soul…and not from the external.
Kris, thank you “as usual”….for being the one who seems to peak into my world and thrill me with these wonderful blog posts that are as timely as they are sweet.
As an extrovert I have naturally sought an “outside-in” experience. I am now cultivating an “inside-out” one. One of my challenges is to still use “teachers” of any kind as a sort of crutch to facilitate this. Thus, when any of my tech fails and I can’t access my sermons, or guided meditations, or talks/classes from teachers/coaches I get anxious. I look forward to evolving to a more balanced and peaceful existence whether I am accessing inner or outer guidance. Thank you for the forum Kris et al to discover my next steps to enlightenment.
Fantastic post Kris! I felt so overwhelmed today that I had to go lie on my bed and look at the ceiling just ‘coz I didn’t know what to do next! Rather than feeling unimportant, I think I like the notion that I’m NOT indispensable, as you wisely pointed out. Thank you so much for the tips too – am going to do the last one write after I post this comment 🙂
always timely and super wise 🙂
esp the part about the essential creative jag not being sustainable. was just telling a friend tonite that today’s painting time was so great that i felt really good but almost manic ~ a distinctly not sustainable feeling!
xx
I latched on to the unsustainability of essential creative jags, too! It’s true, I blossom during periods of intense writing or (you’ll understand this one, Kris) TECH WEEK… but sometimes we need a vacation from our genius 🙂
I decided last night that I was taking a mental vacation this week… I’m still going to work, I still have plans, but I’ve booked my evenings and weekend for ME and my needs: I’ll have time for creativity AND chilling out with a green juice in hand and cucumbers on my eyes 🙂
Love this, as always! Thank you!!
Three cheers for Chris, Belinda, and Rose on the creative jag. Just had my own weekend bender covering my first live event for a journalism class. I was MANIC. Jazzed. Couldn’t sleep for two days plotting out all the content I was going to create. Day three: collapsed in a heap and watched Mad Men while I gently rocked in my bed. Managing my creativity is new to me, and it feels so affirming to know that this is normal and I’m not alone.
Thank you all for sharing!
Kaley (kaleyperkins.com)
Kris, you really closed the loop for me with your suggestion to use an away message to let people know I’m reading but maybe not responding. That is all that was standing between me and my delete button. A lot of times, all that my little world needs is for me to hear them and I feel terrible when I am so focussed where-else that I can’t squeek out a timely (and adequitely long .. working on that) response. Until now that idea that all the world needing me would think I wasn’t even listening kept me chained.
I’m going to try an away message to say “am listening, talk away.” and see what happens.
A million thanks and happy Monday!
Wonderful post, and I am so happy for you!
I get the ego-hit moment you experienced, but would encourage you to reframe it into what I believe is actually the case — You have created this project so well that it is self-sustaining! “It” now has a life of its own, and now you need only to keep it between the rails and gift it with an occasional “pop” of creativity and/or inspiration. Not many creations can boast such autonomy and you can be proud.
You inspire so many more folks than you would even imagine. We are just the ones replying. Thank you!
A useful comment suitable for all occasions. Has to be sail out loud. ‘F–k it that’ll do’ Now go and have a cuppa and a sit down
THAT is perfect!
I’ve used that comment a few times Hilary and it’s the correct one every time! LOL 🙂
Hilarious Hilary, I love it 😉
Hahahaha! This will stick with me!
LOVE IT!! Great idea for those of us always trying to perfect everything!!