Hiya Gorgeous,
Oh, it’s you again. Hello, fear.
Whether you’re fearful of getting sick, you’re currently dealing with a health issue, or you’re scared and struggling in other areas of your life, I want you to know that you’re in good company.
I also want you to know that learning how to overcome fear IS possible. And that doesn’t mean burning it to the ground every time it rears its ugly head. Sometimes it’s as simple as working WITH your fear rather than against it. Because fear contains powerful messages. When we’re courageous enough to be with what scares us, we can awaken our intuition and create a new path for healing.
Don’t judge your fears, invite them to tea!
It’s common to belittle our fears and try to prematurely cleanse them away. But just because we’re afraid, doesn’t mean we’re toxic or failing or falling off the spiritual wagon. Fear is one of the many colors in our emotional palette, and it’s often there for a reason. There’s nothing weak or less evolved about being frightened. And like I said, you’re not alone. We’re all scared. No one is fearless.
Anyone who lives with cancer (myself included), will tell you that figuring out how to overcome fear is an ever-evolving practice. Sometimes the shifts happen quite easily, other times our fears refuse to be rushed (and they really hate being trivialized). It took me years to have a realistic perspective about my own health terrors. And let me be honest, I’m still working on it. Though I had the same information that I have now, time and experience have had a tremendous impact on how I work with my fears.
Fear is normal and, to a certain extent, it’s important.
We can thank fear when it makes us get a lump checked or tells us not to walk alone down that dark alley. We can have gratitude for fear when it shakes us awake or jolts us from complacency.
But while fear can play a very valuable role in igniting action, we can’t let it run our lives—especially if our fears are totally unfounded or irrational. Once we receive the message (the aha!), we need to disable the fear alarm, turn it off, cool it down. Because no one can thrive in a constant state of panic—our bodies aren’t built for that (and neither are our spirits).
So, how do you get what you need from fear without letting it pull you under? Here are some of my go-to methods…
How to Overcome Fear: 9 Simple Tips to Set You Free from What Scares You
1. Bring yourself back to the present moment.
The here. The now. The pillow under your butt. The ground under your feet. The real reality. Unplug the movie in your mind and pet your dog. That’s real. That’s what’s really happening.
2. Open your heart.
You know those fluttering feelings in your belly? Instead of getting hysterical, just sit with them. Breathe through them. Deeply. Slowly. Continually. Have the guts to stay there longer than you’d like. If sadness comes up, let it be there. If anger comes up, that’s ok too. Tears will probably follow. This is the ripest place. This is real and raw and wonderful. Congratulations! You’re licking through your own noise to get to the Tootsie Roll at the center of the spiritual lollipop!
3. Listen.
Once you’ve made contact with what’s coming up for you, ask fear what it’s trying to say. Request that it communicate in a calm, coherent way. Don’t rush it. (Unless, of course, Freddy Krueger hops out from behind the next tree, in which case you should save the analysis for later and run very fast!) But if the monsters are only in your very colorful imagination, have some R.E.S.P.E.C.T., mind your manners and don’t interrupt. Let fear speak.
4. Do an intuition gut check.
Make a determination about whether your fear is constructive or destructive. Journaling can be a really helpful way to get clarity on this. If you agree with the fear, begin to explore how you can make a healthy shift. If you don’t agree, you can simply decline the opportunity to react. Instead of indulging yourself and peeing in your new pants, soothe your thoughts like you would soothe a nervous 5-year-old. Hint: If you’re having a hard time determining what’s constructive versus destructive, a good therapist can help you with this. Mine sure helps me!
5. Identify fear fantasies.
Fantasy and imagination are our most powerful, creative resources. It might make you relax a bit to realize that fear is actually creative. What?! Think about it. What’s more creative than writing elaborate stories all day?
To give you an example of how fear fantasies can spiral out of control, let’s take a quick tour down one of my irrational fear rabbit holes: An impending doctor appointment. All I could think of was how my disease had progressed and that I’d like to invite you all to my funeral. What kind of food should be served? Should there be a DJ? No, that’s not serious enough. Who should get my good jewelry? My mom and my sister. Will Brian remember to feed Lola and Tara? And Brian is so lonely. I love Brian, and I miss him. Maybe he should start dating again. But not someone younger than me. OH MY GOD, Brian is dating a hot 20-year-old! I hate Brian.
When I’m able to grab myself out of those loops, I usually have a good ole laugh, acknowledge the underlying anxiety, and head to Target for some trash mags or watch a great movie (while holding Brian’s hand). However, if I’m unable to see my fantasy for what it really is (stress), then the next time Brian asks where the almond butter is, I’ll tell him to ask his new lover!
The key, of course, is to flip fear on its head by choosing a more positive story. Think you’re not experienced/good/young/smart/fit/well/whatever enough? Think again. You’re all that and more, dear one.
Are fear fantasies holding you back from sharing your big ideas with the world?
We often tell ourselves that we have to have it all figured out before we begin, and that if we don’t, we’ll fail. But being prepared doesn’t stop the unexpected from happening, and mistakes are inevitable in business! That’s why you need simple, reliable tools for navigating the tough stuff and protecting yourself from burnout while you’re at it.
My free ebook, How to Build Your Business without Burning Out: 10 Keys for Avoiding the Mistakes Most Entrepreneurs Make, includes 10 proven systems and strategies for overcoming the mistakes most entrepreneurs make so you can start or grow the profitable business of your dreams. Ready to vanquish your fears, together?
6. Move.
Another way to gain clarity is to get back into your body through movement. Activating our bodies changes our perspectives. A walk, a run, a bike ride or some inversions (they really help!)—whatever it takes to snap out of the fear feedback loop.
7. Lean on your inner circle.
You don’t need a huge crew—just a couple of true blue buds you can always count on. Many of us feel embarrassed and ashamed of our fears. We’ve been conditioned to believe that fear makes us weak. “Grow up. Man up. It’s not cool to be scared. Don’t be such a cry baby.” But stored up fears never make us stronger. Quite the opposite, in fact. Stored up fears break us (emotionally and physically).
If you want to set a powerful example for yourself and others, give your fear a voice. Talk it out. Call a friend. Chat with the friend within. Book a session with that good therapist. Pray. Find a community you can count on, like Inner Circle Wellness. One of the reasons I built this membership community was to give you a space where you feel safe, loved and supported through whatever life throws at you—I hope you’ll consider joining us.
Whatever you do, don’t feel like you need to tend to your fears alone. Ask for support. It’s all around you.
8. Let love rule.
Love is greater than fear. And love is everywhere, always. Love is the glue that holds the infinite together. Fear is a tiny drop of water compared to the ocean that is love. If you’ve ever practiced EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), you know that love and acceptance are great tools for calming your nervous system. I’ve used this statement (affirmation) many times in my own EFT practice: “Even though I’m really scared, I love and accept myself anyway.” Boom. Stress reduction.
9. Choose the next right action.
Now it’s time to make a move. It can be a baby step that simply lifts you out of that fearful space. Or it can be a leap right into the thing that scares you. All of the previous steps have helped you get in touch with yourself and what you’re ready for, so trust your gut and do what’s right for you in the moment.
Remember: Being afraid doesn’t make you inadequate.
I hope this gives you some tools and ideas for how to overcome fear. And remember, sometimes fear is much easier to understand than we think. It may not have anything to do with being useful or not. It may not even really be fear. Perhaps we’re just really uncomfortable with change. New things. New information. The unfamiliar and all that goes with it. Give yourself a break. You’re human. You have many valid emotions. The trick is to stop being so critical and start applying more compassion and kindness to all aspects of you. Now go put on some cute heels or a snappy fedora and dance with your dragon (I promise you won’t get burned).
Your turn: If you feel moved, share what this blog kicks up for you. Tell me in the comments, have you ever found a powerful message in fear?
Peace & tea leaves,
Thanks so much for the blog.Thanks Again. Really Cool.
Kris, I think this post is a perfect example of why so many of us LOVE you. Thanks for your love and cooperation with us.
Thank you, Kris! So much wisdom as always. I feel safer now. “Just uncomfortable with change,. New things.” New human being. I was so happy to become a mother, but was hit by the anxiety, fear of losing me precious baby and all that irrational feelings. Found my 5 years old memories of loneliness when my sister was born. And I lost attention of parents. And now this old trauma alive when I am busy with baby. I spoke to my fearful inner child and promised not to forget about her again and explained that my baby needs care. In such a way I would explain to my daughter with compassion and care. That all is well. There are such a kindergarten within me indeed. They just need to be raised with love.
Hi there, Aya. This is Jennifer from Team Crazy Sexy and you are so brilliant with your kindergarten inside. That is just a beautiful image and I love thinking of you taking care of your inner child. Anxiety is normal with change, as you’ve seen, but knowing yourself, loving yourself, and being kind to yourself will move mountains. We are so happy you know that and practice it. Xo from the whole team.
Thank you, Jennifer and Team for support! ? It is heartwarming, I needed that. I commented probably for the first time here and experienced the importance of community support. Kindly, Aya
Aya, that means so much to us. Thank you! Community is so important and we’re glad you’ve found us. ?
Dear Kris,
I Love you and your blogs so very much. I have read this article earlier as well and found myself easing out from the uncomfortable thoughts of fear and today as well this article has helped me affirming myself of few positive beliefs. Kris I cannot thank you enough as you have been my guide in so many things of my personal life.
Though your articles soothe my mind all the time yet I’m trying to discover ways to turn the negative talks inside my mind into positive affirmations. Also I would request you to write about how not be superstitious when negative thoughts surface up. These days what I have noticed is that my mind starts imagining of what could go wrong as soon as I hear any positive or happy news/event which is about to happen with me or my dear ones.
May you always be blessed with good health, long and love filled life dear Kris❤❤❤
Hey there, Ritu! This is Jennifer from Team Crazy Sexy. Thank you so much for your very kind comments. I’ve passed them onto Kris and the team, along with a request to write about not letting those negative comments take over. You’re not alone in worrying about those things. Here at Team Crazy Sexy, we love affirmations. I wonder if that would be helpful for you. Here’s a link for more info: 11 Affirmations to Lift Your Spirits and Elevate Your Energy, my favorite it “I am safe and secure.” Also, you might want to give tapping a go. It’s a wonderful way to break the patterns our minds create: What Is Tapping: Emotional Freedom Technique. I hope these are helpful, Ritu. Thank you again for your comments and for being here with us! Xo.
Thank you so much for this article Kriss.
I’m in my mid40s and just strating out with therapy and this need to ‘give myself a break, stop being so critical and start applying more companssion,’ you’ve hit the nail on the head. that’s what it’s all about.
I’m at the stage of acknowledging my fears… great tools share here.
Grateful to have read this
oh the fear and shame, I’ve just misspelt your name! Gosh. Breathe.
Hi Kris!
Oh man, I have been facing fear these past few months. Actually, I have been letting fear win a lot these past 3 years. I have varied interests. I attended photography school in Montana, I am a health coach with IIN, and a culinary nutrition expert. For the past 5 years I have had a daydream of having a flower farm so this week I started researching it a bit. I also love yoga. My day job is a recreational therapist. So, yeah, I like a lot of things! Haha!
Three years ago I ended a 6-year relationship, moved to a state I never wanted to live in again and started a new job. The first almost two years was rough. I didn’t deal with my emotions, I tried to stay busy, and I was forcing the idea of starting a photography business. I say forcing because it seemed like a lot of work because I was tired and drained. The combination of ignoring my heartbreak and the lack of confidence in my abilities took a toll. I knew I wanted to get back in touch with my intuition and start to be more kind to myself. Back in April I joined a run group, in May I started a medication practice (May Cause Miracles), and I FINALLY began to feel happy, energetic, and like myself. I hadn’t felt that way in a loooong time. I ended up meeting someone back in June. He is so great. I feel like the universe orchestrated our meeting somehow. I literally feel like he is the man I have desired and wrote about in my journal. He magically jumped off of the pages of my journal and into my life. But that’s a story for another day.
I put off figuring out my life path once I started dating him. I was planning on moving to a new state but there was something about this guy that made me think twice about that. Also, it was scary to finally make a decision. It’s 6 months later and it’s time to make a decision. Will I start a photography business? Wellness? Or a flower farm? OR somehow combine them all into a flower farm wellness retreat? I am not sure. I will say, being in this relationship is great and scary. I am not used to someone believing in me and honestly seeing something more in me than I have yet to see myself. He is encouraging, but it is scary because it’s all the things that sounds scary or like it’s too much money to start. I even toyed with the idea of teaching yoga to children, teens, and possibly getting training for yoga for people with special needs.
Whew! That was a long reply, but that is what was brought up for me. It’s time to make a decision and just go for it. Thank you for your article. All I know to do now moving forward is to breath, keep taking care of myself, journal, practice getting in tune with my intuition (I’ll take any suggestions for that), and continue to talk about the possibilities with my partner.
I hope you are having a great week.
Andi
Hey Andi! This is Jennifer from Team Crazy Sexy. I just wanted to give you a big round of applause for being so brave, so smart and giving so much to life. You got this! While you may not be 100% certain on your upcoming steps, you’ve got great direction and instincts. Listen to your intuition (more on that here as requested). We can’t wait to hear what’s next for Andi. Xo from the whole team!
Telling Brian to “ask his new lover” made me laugh out loud, as I’ve totally been there. I found out while I was on round 2 of chemotherapy that my husband had started smoking again, by finding a text from a female colleague asking him if he was keen for a ciggie break. By the time it came pouring out of me (to my Mum!), in my mind I had them married off, which would be best for everyone as I’d like to get to know the woman who would be raising my children when I die. I’m not terminal, but there was obviously some serious underlying stress there which all came pouring out. For my husband too, hence picking up his nasty stress release habit again!
Love this, Kris. Don’t stop giving us YOU! You have a way of putting things that is so real, honest, humble and oh, so funny! I giggled a few times reading this post. You make us in “I don’t want this disease land” feel like we aren’t alone. Bless you, Kris. Bless you.
Hey Marie! This is Jennifer from Team Crazy Sexy. A big XO from Kris and the whole team! She loves hearing these wonderful things and I’ve passed your comment right along to her. Isn’t it nice to learn something really helpful while also getting a good giggle out of it? So happy you’re here. 🙂
Those are great 9 ideas to let go of fear. I have used some over the years. Thank-you 4 pointing them out to my brain again. Nice refresher reminder. I wonder if the same techniques would work on anger?
Hey Beverley! This is Jennifer from Team Crazy Sexy. That’s a great point about anger. I might just give it a try. Thanks!
I am 47, just turned 47 two days ago, I am happily married with three kids, a freshman in college, a sophomore in high school and a 6th grader. I was diagnosed2 years and 3 months ago with Stage IV Lung Cancer. I was doing pretty well and life was still pretty normal in our house but now the cancer is spreading and I’m in a Phase 1B clinical trial. My fears now are overwhelming and my daughter, who is in college, is stressed about work at school and missing home and me and has her own very real anxiety. How do I help she and myself and the rest of my family? I am really struggling with my own fear and I am the only person my daughter talks to about my me.
Hi Stacy. This is Jennifer from Team Crazy Sexy. I am so sorry to hear all that you are going through. It’s hard to support yourself and those around you when you’re scared and overwhelmed; I’m glad you’re in such a supportive community here with Kris. I wonder if you or your daughter would benefit from professional help? We all need help sometimes, that’s for sure. Psychology Today has a great “find a therapist” option which will allow you to do some research and find someone that works for you. Also keep in mind that self-care is so important, and you are worth the time. In the meantime, hopefully Kris’s tips on working with fear can help. Also, keep in mind Kris has Inner Circle Wellness (membership) that is filled with loving and supportive people – some are going through what you’re dealing with which might help with your fears.
The whole team is sending you so much love and healing energy, Stacy.
You are right, Kris! We should not keep our fears to ourselves and try to go it alone. People often see the strong me, who has it all together. They don’t see me when I’m worried about my next CT scan, concerned about which direction this cancer is going in (it’s been stable since August 2018). But I deal with it positively and when I see my oncologist for the results I always have a smile on my face. By that time I have been able to conquer whatever is coming next! You made me laugh when you mentioned Brian! I would be having those thoughts about my husband too!
Hey Sophie! This is Jennifer from Team Crazy Sexy and we’re loving your positivity! You are impressive and such an inspiration. Thank you!
You are right, Kris! We should not keep our fears to ourselves and try to go it alone. People often see the strong me, who has it all together. They don’t see me when I’m worried about my next CT scan, concerned about which direction this cancer is going in (it’s been stable since August 2018). But I deal with it positively and when I see my oncologist for the results I always have a smile on me face. By that time I have been able to conquer whatever is coming next! You made me laugh when you mentioned Brian! I would be having those thoughts about my husband too!
Oh Kris,
Always at the right time, my friend. I have impending scans in two weeks and all I can think of is who will take care of my dog if I die. It’s insane the fantasies that fear will create if you let it. It’s destructive and it brings me down. I’m sure it’s not beneficial for my health either.
This journey can be so trying and difficult, it’s nice to know you’re not alone, generally speaking.
The last scope I had, you posted your good news health update right before I went under anesthesia and it gave me peace.
Cheers!
You’re definitely not alone, Misty. I am sending so much healing energy to you, sweetheart. Xo.
Dear Kriss, love your blog about fear. I also do a lot what you recommend. One more thing I do is talking to my fear. It sounds someway odd, but it really works. I will get myself in a meditative state and say something like “Hey fear, what´s up? What are you trying to tell me? Is there anything I have overseen and have to work on?” Deep inside I almost get everytime an answer to these questions. And I find it helpful to ask whether my fear is true or false, like in your case with the hot 20-year old (lol). All the best from Germany, Diana
What a beautiful practice, Diana. Xo to you in Germany!
Wow! You really know your stuff!
I say to myself, a variation of this quote that is out there (don’t know the originator):
I will not talk to God about how large my fears are. I will talk to fear about how large my God is.
I have an oncology appointment looming around the corner. This was perfect timing for me! Thanks
Kris – I’ve been following you for years and it’s weird. This past week or two, I keep stumbling onto your videos and blogs that are addressing just the thing I’m struggling with. This one really helps a lot. Fear is the one thing that keeps having power over me. These are really good suggestions that I will definitely try. Thanks for doing what you do. You are truly an inspiration.
Great post!!! I like the listening to fear part and the acceptance. We all know that avoidance just makes fear worse.
Thank you Kris! I loved this post as well, just the way I love all of them! I love your humor and the way you talk to people! Oh fear is a big fella, who calls my name a couple times! I always try not to let go my fantasy about what’s the worst thing that can happen, but sometimes it drags me to the deep anyway! Other times, it is a perfect compass, showing which way to go to, and most of the time if I beat my fear and I go towards it, it works and something much better comes out of it!
Thank you Chris and love you!
Your bravery is truly inspiring. I’ve struggled for so long with anxiety, and that stems from the root of fear. Everything in this blog is helpful, but I really love the fact that you make a point to say that it’s okay to be scared of things. I don’t know about others, but I always feel ashamed for being afraid, and it takes the pressure off to know that it’s a normal emotion, and it’s okay. So thank you for this post, I thoroughly enjoyed it.
Such a fabulous post, I will definitely be coming back for more.
This blog post it’s pretty inspiring.
I think fear it’s one of the feelings I’m afraid the most. However in this lasts days I’ve tried to talk to him and try to acknowledge if he has something to say to me. I’ve always been anger with myself for feeling anxiety for so long. But when I’m facing it what it first comes to my mind is – “take care, I don’t want you to suffer” “I’m just here to help”, “without me you would never have arrived where you are today”. So, maybe there is nothing that bad with fear, maybe it’s just another emotion, not less or more than any other feeling like rage, sadness or happiness… Just different ways of learning. Probably it’s learning what this is all about…
Feliç dia!! (catalan) And best wishes for you all xxx
Hello Sunshine,
thank you for spreading the positive vibe. It’s incredible how up-lifted and full of sun I feel right now. Somehow I got lost on the way and reading this article reminded me of how to get back on track and fall in love with myself again.
Love&hugs Georgia
I think about fear all the time…I think about how much I used to let fear hold me back, get in my way or stop me dead in my tracks. Discovering this, along with the support of my family and friends, I now let fear guide me in the direction of my dreams. Recognize it, talk it out, take action. Thank you for this…such a perfect read and the right time as it was a topic that kept coming up this week.
xoxo
It took me years to overcome social phobia, which is just another way of describing extreme shyness i.e. fear of people. When I was young I was prescribed pills which alleviate symptoms but did nothing for the underlying cause.
It wasn’t until I chose to stop the medication and start setting myself small incremental goals that I began to resolve this problem. It was like exercising a muscle – gentle, regular exercise produced results. Self help books by people like Wayne Dyer helped a lot.
If you can help yourself then the results are much stronger and more likely to remain permanent, and forgive yourself if sometimes you take the day off and decide not to face your fears.
Love your website 🙂
Thank you Kris. I had cancer 3 years ago – I totally can relate about the anxiety about the doctors appointment. I love that you shared some of your thought patterns. For me these feelings pop up often during joyous times- I can be having a meaningful moment with my daughter and then all of the sudden I think “she will remember this moment when I am gone”- “WHAT!?”. Many of us don’t share these thoughts because the real fear is that these thoughts are some sort of premonition, and talking about them can make them more true. We all need to realize that all our thoughts – particularly our fears- are not necessarily true. That we have more power than we know- it is up to us to watch and choose our thoughts. Thank you so much again for sharing – the fact that others deal with irrational thought monsters gives me more courage to face mine ?
I have had the fear of losing my wife to death for as long as we have been together (10+ years). I can get really sad or emotional thinking about it, but is must be a result from a dad that walked out on me when I was 7. Although I am extremely intuitive, and just pray its not a “warning” to enjoy everything to the fullest (which you should ALWAYS do anyway) I can brush it away, and enjoy life to the fullest. But I do believe I will always have this one.. this fear.
Love your article.
I believe and tell my kids that fear is normal but a huge brake on your next steps, envision….
Fear is maybe a reaction to a problem that freaks us out? BUT there is no problem that can’t be solved!
I think we need to understand that problems can be solved in various ways and if we think that our way is the only way we get surprised when we’re proven wrong. SO dealing with the problem is a huge mastering process.
Another tip I pass on to my kids, while the problem is small solve it, if you let it grow it’ll take you more energy, time….
You are truly an amazing woman!
I really like what you said about fear being very creative. My mind makes up horrible stories daily. I often tell it “shut up. That’s not real.” But I had never thought about questioning my fear. I think that’s a great idea, because if it turns out that it’s irrational, I can point it out and it will have to stop. If there is really something to address, I’d rather address it calmly than in a panic.
that was so funny! ” the next time Brian asks for almond butter, you’ll tell him to ask his new lover!! cracked me up, so true, how people can make the bad things happen by acting on fearful feelings, and then bringing them on by their behaviour!
Thanks for this article Kris! Feels like a gentle hand on my back guiding me through these emotions. Really appreciate when you share your moments of doubt – comforting to learn you also have ‘irrational rabbit holes.’
This blog post came at a good time for me. What comes up for me is the movement aspect bit! I truly find that taking a walk and doing yoga helps alleviate my fears more than anything. I decided I’m human and can’t always get rid of my fears 100%, but I can befriend them, take them to tea or for a walk and ask them to guide me. I really love the idea of moving into what I fear the most. It might only be baby steps, but I feel if something scares me about my path and life choices, I better move into it and figure it out, but gently, of course. 🙂
I love you honeypie!! 😉 Thanks for sharing so openly…. I recognized the “fear fantasy” as something I do too ;))))
Ahh… our humanness ♡♡
Thank you so much for this message about coping with fear. Usually it takes over all of me. Time to change things. So inspiring!
Thank you for this. The timing was perfect. I’m heading to my mother’s funeral this morning and was feeling a lot of fear along with a landslide of emotions. I have used a couple of these and feel better already.
Thank you, Kris, for making fear bring me a smile! Fear always creeps in when it is time for a tumor marker blood test or a CT scan. I try to remember what Anita ‘Moorjani said in her book, “Dying to be Me”, “Life is unfolding exactly as it should.” My other mantra…” Victim or Heroine? The choice is mine”.
Sending much love!
Kris
You wrote this knowing it’s what I needed, your intuition is just crazy! I share a similar diagnosis with you, and since the beginning your example helped keep my head above water. Bless you and the mission you have undertaken. I will reread this many times, I am sure.
I’m getting married in a couple months, so of course fear has crept in. I get scared about the possiblility of divorce years down the road. I know this stems from my own parents divorce. There’s no anger there, but it makes me aware that it can happen.
What helps me is talking my way through the fear and reaching for positive, real thoughts. For example, I’ve been with my fiancee for 5 years and I truly believe we’ve been though it all and still love each other so deeply. Thought like this help me get my confidence back.
Thanks Kris!
Kris… You are so hilarious. I love the way you can always make something terrible look cool and easy. The part of the Almond Butter and your hubby, OMG I was so identified. Sadly I sometimes create this fake stories in my mind as a product of my fears and vent it out on mine too, just as your examples. Now that I know how fear works thanks to you and many other self help people out there who devote their existence to help other people out I can control, in a healthy way, my temper tantrums and respond with more love and compassion. Blessings to you always and many years of this incredible Crazy Sexy Wellness Extravaganza you have created and that it only helps us all. Yesterday I was speaking with a co-worker regarding my weight loss and my health improvement and he asked me… You are following someone or reading a book, right? And I looked to t he right where I store my GO TO BOOKS and there were all yours and I smiled and said Yes, I’m following someone. That someone is YOU. Thanks for being such an inspiration.
Hi kriss, I Love your 7 steps, but I have no high heels, lol, Jeremy
Kris your timing is perfect! Just what I needed to give me perspective and steps to practice. My dad passed away 6 months ago and my mom’s health is not well. We have been slowly cleaning out their home and avoiding the decisions we need to make about her care. Sitting with the anxiety and fear what came up for me is extreme sadness and loss of my parents. I don’t want my mom to suffer (she has congestive heart failure and is short of breath) and I want to have a proactive plan in place instead of being emotionally reactive. What I find most challenging is to be present and calm and coming from love. Time to go sweat off the stress and take 1 step. Thank you for your work it makes a difference in my life.
This made my day. My work environment is difficult and exhausting for me, which I always think shouldn’t be the case and fills me with fear. It’s been so long since I’ve told myself “I love myself and accept myself anyway.” Thanks for the reminder 🙂
Perfect timing Kris Carr, I have an appointment to check a breast lump today. Fear is trying to overtake me, I have 3 angels in heaven who look out for me very well. I have turned to prayer, to them (mom/dad/brother), to God & a novena prayer to the Infant Jesus of Prague, for matters of urgent need. I have been following you for years, you are an inspiration to say the least. I’m feeling more confident than I thought I would in this case, I’m praying I’m rewarded with good news. Thank you for sharing your knowledge & journey, I know it has helped countless people.
Hi Kris
Thanks for you beautiful article on fear. This is juicy material.
Fear came up for me in a big way 6 years ago when I lost my business, got divorced and had to sell my house. I needed a tool to help me. This is when I discovered EFT. I learned to welcome my fear, give it a voice. It is really a younger part of me that needs to be heard and loved. Now when I feel fear, I connect to my younger self and say “oh honey, I understand you are afraid, I am here for you. Tell me how you feel” I spend time listening to her and loving her. Turning toward my fear with love and compassion has changed my life.
I think you wrote this just for me 🙂
Speaks right to me! Thank you!
This is the advice I’ve been waiting to read for years. Thank you so much for your honesty, truth and wisdom. You are a true inspiration. X
Thanks so much, Kris! I’m working through a 2nd recurrence of ovarian cancer, and I usually like to say, “Fear is a liar”–but I know that sometimes I need to heed the fear; it can’t always be ignored. You’ve eloquently provided a roadmap for me. ?
Thank you Kris, this blog was just what I needed to read today. There are some big changes ahead for me in the coming months and I am going to have to seriously step out of my comfort zone to accomplish what I am embarking on. It’s all very exciting and there is much to get my head around and I must admit I am fearful too – your words have given me courage to ‘face the fear’ , learn its lessons and trust that all will be well. Thank you!
Hi Kris
Brilliant, having been diagnosed with what the doctors call cancer ( I call it confused cells,) 2 years ago, dealing with my emotions has been the most challenging thing. The terror that came up after the diagnosis, wow, it was full on.
I realised I had to go toward my emotions and ask them what they needed – to be heard – is often the answer.
I still want to push against my fear and anger sometimes, but I realise that my emotions are always trying to help me. By the way, I’m doing well on the physical level, I made huge diet and lifestyle changes very similar to the changes you made and I am so much happier than I have ever been.
all my love to you
caroline xxx
Absolutely love this it took me many years to phathom it out & what a great read this is SPOT ON Xx
Thank you Kris this is just what I needed today as I wait for results of my CAT scan of my stage 4 lung cancer. My MRI of my brain is Monday and the last one showed the lesions have resolved. I have been blessed to be on a target oral Chemo that only fights cancer cells and not healthy cells. I cannot tell you what you have done for me in this fight. My sister gave me your Sexy Crazy Cancer books and how much they have helped me. At times I do have fear, sadness and grief and have to let it “process” to get thru, thank you for this blog it is spot on.
Between my therapy, juicing, change in diet, my faith and reiki therapies I am doing the best I can. My silver lining is I am much healthier all the way around than I have been in years. Hey I do miss my glass of wine but I respect my liver way more and thus the beet and green juices in a fancy glass!
Keep up the good work, you are an amazing inspiration to this 60 year old woman who is looking at this cancer as a chronic disease that will not get me down for a very long time! Xoxo
I am journaling this morning and I had read what you had written on your blog a few weeks ago about fear and wanted to copy down your thoughts in my journal so that I can refer to them another time. I am grateful as it is my grateful journal for your words. I too am living with cancer over 8 years and the ebs and flows can for sue be an issue for me. Thank you again for everything, the juicing, the blending and all the love! Vicky
Sometimes I am afraid to put my trust in my Higher Power to change circumstances and people.
I had a moment about a year ago when I thought I would lose everything I cared about.
The terror caused me to admit my disease and to seek help.
My Higher Power brought the right people in my life to help me heal.
I would never have made a change if it weren’t for the terror I felt.
I am so thankful for people like you and the truth you share.
I can’t thank you enough for this post.
My sister was recently diagnosed with alk lung cancer and we were devastated. I believe that she will beat this cancer and that they will continue finding new drugs and pull this cancer out of her body. I pray everyday for a miracle because she is my world.
My sister was diagnosed with ALK lung cancer and it was the most devastating news we are dealing with.I believe in miracles and pray everyday that we can contain the growth of the cancer and one day rid it from her body.
This post on Facebook came at exactly the right time for me. I’ve been walking through fear and anxiety about not feeling good and allowing my imagination to conjure up the worst case scenario about every ache and pain in my body and my doctor can’t find anything wrong with me. Thank you for putting yourself out there and being real and providing compassion and understanding to others like me. Much love!
I love your posts, and really appreciate your message Kris. Fear… it feels all-consuming at time. Paralyzing and crushing, it’s way too easy to lose sight of our personal value. I love this reminder to embrace my fear, and use it as a way to move forward. I’m writing down the affirmation, “Even though I’m really scared, I love and accept myself anyway.” Thanks Kris!
hello Kris!
thanks a million for this article about fears!!! It has helped me a lot!! i have big fears myself, but reading you and especially your mantra « I’m really scared, but I love and accept me anyway” , gave me confidence and cut down my stress immediately! you’ve been very helpful, I send you big kisses from France!! (that’s how we end a mail in my country)
See you tomorrow on Facebook or on your blog,, have a good night!
isabelle
This is a really wonderful article. Fear is such an old friend of mine: a friend I’d love to boot out the door. Here’s my question…I’m familiar with EFT, but how do you practice it in public during the moments when Fear has a strangle hold? Any Tappers out there?
I am so glad that I read this today. I am really trying to focus on WHAT it is that I am supposed to be doing in my life right now. I have a really stressful design job, but all I can think about every day is WELLNESS. I want to be well. And I want others to be well. But I’m not a wellness practitioner…
I am a natural networker. One of my favorite things to do is to connect people who need something with the person/place/thing/idea they need to get them where they need to go. My fear right now is – how do I package and monetize my gifts into something that can be useful to others? How do I turn my strengths into a career that will allow me to gleefully run out of this soul-sucking job and NEVER LOOK BACK?
I need to focus on love and unleashing my passion and power.
I can’t listen to my fear telling me “You might fail…”
I have no other choice but to succeed.
Kris,
You are in the process of saving my life! Emotionally, physically, mentally all of it. All day I have been feeling scared. I don’t know why but I have been developing fears of things that I have never been afraid of before, and I feel like I am running out of time to accomplish all of my (quite large) dreams, and for no reason at all. I am fine, I should feel that way, and instead I feel scared. Reading this post really opened my eyes to how I can kick fear in the face and just use it to motivate me to be stronger and more grateful instead of overwhelmed with anxiety. Thank you a million times, I can breathe easier now!
Hello Kris!
I cherish your blog so very much and learn and get inspired from you every day….
As a cancer survivor, I understand fear firsthand. I too have been learning how to make fear my friend.
I also help people as a therapist to take fear by the hand, learn to work creatively together, instead of turning away from fear.
you can read my article and more about me at
thttp://opentherapy.se/?m=201306
Wow! What a great sense of humor! Thanks for this fun read and the honest truth that we can’t let the “what ifs” take over for us. Thanks again.
I don’t know if I ever found a message in my fear. All I know is that it sometimes grabs me and squeezes so hard. I am afraid to give my cancer any respect and I am afraid not too. This month is difficult because it is like you can never get away from your Cancer. I have Stage IV Breast Cancer. I am on Femera, but it doesn’t seem like it is working. I will go back to my oncologist on Monday to decide what’s next.
I love your books and your encouragements. They really help. You are adorable. Thank you.
Thank you, Kris. Your first paragraph especially helped me: “Fear contains powerful messages…” We are so afraid to listen, and I appreciate your reminder to listen, then calm the fear and ourselves.
Thank you Kris! After hearing two days ago that my #s were climbing, now scheduling new tests, waiting for results, this is just what I needed to deal with the fear. I will practice your advise.
I love the way you write and explain things, Kris. It’s so colorful and fun to read and relate to. Your writing and perspective makes life fun, even the hard times. Thank you! You are now a favorite of mine 🙂
Thank you Kris for this great post. Love and light your way all the way from Australia xx
Kris, thanks for another insightful post, one which is very timely for me. Fear hit me over the head recently, and I was temporarily down for the count. Fortunately, I was able to get back up, and now you’ve given me an additional way to confront my fears and really get to the root of the issue. Thank you.
P.S. I hope your tour will include a stop in Atlanta!!
I am working through Gabrielle bernstein’s may cause miracles, so this post was a lovely way to start Monday morning.
I am trying to work through fears of not being enough manifested through personal judgement.
And I love that you pointed out that sometimes if you just acknowledge the fear and say to yourself, I accept and love myself anyway is seriously powerful.
Thanks for this spiritual boost to my Sunday! Have a great day!
Hi Kris, thank you for an inspiring article. For me, fear is something I now love. We are best of friends and because of that it no longer limits me. When I am fearful I look in staright in the eye and acknwledge it is there. I don’t try to change it, I just accept it for what it is, and then the magic happens. jill
I am struggling with Bulimia at the moment. Before Bulimia, it was anorexia. I am 36, and this has been going on since I was 18. I am scared that some grave illness will come rat-a-tat-tatting at my life door the day I heal…I try to practice gratitude. I try to savor the present. I sometimes am able to conquer bulimia..but on minimum wage and no health insurance, there is only so much I can do.
We are love. We are part of the same divine life force. We’re all connected. The ephemeral nature of life makes it beautiful..but it also makes it so darn difficult to breathe and let “it” go…”it”= all of what we hang on to….
Fear consumes me and stops me from being “me”….
Such an awesome post, Kris. Thank you.
One of my favorite quotes in the bible is “perfect love drives out fear.” I love how active that phrase is. It makes me feel validated, strengthened, protected. And I’ll take all of those when I start spiraling into a “fear story!”
Thank you. This is exactly what I needed today. I was spiraling down the fear tunnel and you helpede take a breath.
Hugs,
April
I love that you often promote finding a good therapist! As a therapist I have seen so many people learn to accept their emotions and process them in a healthy way – instead of stuffing them with food/tv/alcohol/drugs etc. Emotions are natural and by turning towards them they are much easier to experience.
Thank you for all you do!
Charlene
Hi Kris,
Just felt compelled to reach out to you to tell you that my 16-month old daughter is fascinated with your book. (couldn’t find another appropriate space to send you this) She keeps asking me to take it off the kitchen shelf and studies yours and Chad’s picture carefully, and the pictures in the book… I’d love to know what is going on in her head, but I am pretty sure she is reacting to the good energy emanating from your work… Just thought you’d appreciate it… Thanks for all the great work you are doing!
Thanks so cool Sue, thanks for sharing! Made me smile. 🙂
wow! this is so timely and needed, for sure. this has been one of the most unsettling weeks that I have had in a very long time. I recogonize that the challenges I have right now certainly would be a luxury for folks who are battling illness. so, if your reading this please know that I know these aren’t major challenges. however, they are still stressful. to give you an idea- the last 5 days I have; moved (well, in the process of moving) started grad school, have a new workmate, leaving for a business trip, 3 key projects at work and continuing the approval process for a procedure that will hopefully improve my severe asthma. phew. that’s alot, sorry! geez- the point of this is- this reminder and information to take a deep breath, ask for help and get movin’ is so wonderful. thank you, kris! smiles to you all:)
I have just started becoming more actively watching your videos. I have great admiration for you. Not yet reformed to Vegan. I am a 51 yr old, single mom with stage 2 diabetic, high blood pressure, asthmatic struggling with stomach issues and terrible bloating. ( No Health insurance) Waiting for Obama care. I was also told I have 3 lesions on my liver. In the past 3 weeks I have definitely turned into a juice maniac. Although, I can’t afford organic, I do my best and wash my veggies thoroughly. I am also trying to become gluten free and exercise whenever possible. I still feel like a swallowed a walnut that sits in my intestines. I know I need tests to see what exactly is wrong with me. But, January is around the corner. Hopefully, all is nothing to fear. I did have a question… Do you believe in the flu and Pneumovax vaccine? I also want to thank you for educating me. I have so so much to learn.
Gratefully,
Gloria
“However, if I’m unable to see my fantasy for what it really is (stress) then the next time Brian asks where the almond butter is, I’ll tell him to ask his child bride!”
I almost spit out my green drink! HAHA.
Thank you for making me laugh off my fears (I love hearing the insides of other peoples heads). We are all so much the same. 🙂
Love!
Carla
xx
Kris, I’m welling up with tears. Your blog is so timely for me right now. I’ve been through lots in the last (almost) two years, yeah me! Primary liver cancer and a whole slew of ups and downs. Your books and blogs have kept me sane and strong. I realize how hard it can be to stay strong when fear comes calling. A recent (not so great) scan has sent me reeling. I’m waiting for my fabulous doctor to come up with the next plan of attack. Inthe meantime, I will invite my fears to have a nice green juice with me. Cheers!
Will have a green juice in your honor! Sending healing energy your way. -D
Thank you Kris!
I’m never usually compelled to write a comment but this spoke very true to me right now in my life. A fear that has finally come to a head that has been building for the last 15 years i’m finally starting to really understand why it is what it is. I have been breaking it down, listening to it, literally stopping in my tracks & allowing it to speak. In doing so I was able to unravel it piece by piece & acknowledge the rational reasons behind it.
But it wasn’t until I allowed it to do so that it all made sense. And it was scary & uncomfortable but I spent a week going over it, through it, under it, every angle possible & finally I got to where I needed to be. Simply accepting & understanding why I have this fear, and then asking myself how I would like to choose to resolve/dissolve it.
Your words helped reassure me that fear is OK, & it’s just another part of the process.
Thank you! Yvette Xxx
Thank you so much, Kris. Did you know? You’ve made a big difference in my life. It is your energy, the love you radiate and this piece on fear was right on. Thank you! 🙂
dear kris, this blog came at just the right time. i love how the Universe does that. thank you, thank you, thank you, from the center of my heart – i needed to read this today. i am saving this blog so that i can read it again when the fear-monster comes again. 🙂 i am a canSer survivor too, and my emotions get triggered from time to time. you are such a light to the world! thank you for sharing your wisdom. 🙂
Thank you for this post. Every time I go for a follow up with the oncologist or for the caving party known in clinical circles as the “colonoscopy” — any time someone goes looking — I fear something will be found. Letting love rule really resonates, and for me includes telling a loved one where I’m about to go and how I feel. Being vulnerable and giving space for their support dissolves the fear a little, my stomach unclenches a little too.
Ha! Thanks, Kris, for that tour down the rabbit hole. Little windows on someone else’s world like that reassure me that I’m not alone in having such a wonderfully *creative* (as you so aptly point out) gaggle of fears. 🙂
One of the most powerful messages I’ve ever found in fear has been around the drawing of personal boundaries. Anger has always terrified me, and I’ve spent most of my life letting people walk all over me because I’ve been afraid to assert my own needs.
I always thought I was staying safe from the anger that would be unleashed at me if I expressed even the slightest bit of assertiveness. (Enter countless numbers of your “fear fantasies” about whatever I imagined would happen.)
Turns out, though, that my assumptions were completely erroneous.
As I’ve practiced facing my fear of anger and finding the courage to speak my needs, the more I’ve noticed how many (most!) people are totally willing to listen and do whatever they can to meet them, or at least have a rational (non-angry!!!) discussion and meet somewhere in the middle.
It’s so liberating to watch that huge wall of fear-based illusion gradually crumble into dust.
Kris- Such a great message about fear. Thanks!
OMGosh! I am run by fear, out of control fear from so much that is out of my control and not my doing but there it is, fear and I am ashamed of it and I feel bad and weak for feeling it so often. No one can walk in my shoes and I can’t walk in yours, but I can respect you and see you in a light that makes me grow but I can’t see that in myself. I don’t want to be sick and I don’t want to be afraid of it anymore I want to live.
Thank you for being you and for sharing this piece on fear and how you cope with it. I have never invited my fear to tea…I always run from it which turns it into panic. I never thought to make peace with it.
Thank you so much!
Hi Kris,
Love this post! Fear vs. intuition have always been hard for me to figure out. I got legally married yesterday (doing our real wedding in Greece this May!) and was terrified. I was freaked out about marriage, found myself wondering if I should panic and leave, and worst – comparing him to my ex. “Is this the real thing? As good?” etc.
Then, during the actual ceremony, I felt such a deep calm. Love conquers all. I didn’t know if those prior feeling were fear or intuition, but I believe that intuition (when something feels right) comes as peace, not as panic. And you’re right, don’t overrate it! Those feelings may have come up just by the fact that I’m doing something new and I’m human.
xo
Alexis
Congrats! Glad you didn’t bolt! TOTALLY normal feeling on that day. 😉 xo
OMG, your example of the “Fear Fantasies” really hit home for me. Your steps are amazingly helpful and remind me that I’m not only is this thinking and handling of managing my FEAR which is just False Evidence Appearing Real. For through my breakthrough I realize the opposite of God’s peace is Fear.
This is FANTASTIC! I can’t even begin to tell you how much I needed this. I have just come to the realization that I have allowed fear to rule my life for the past 2 years. Once I realized this I just sat there thinking “oh crap NOW what!” then bam your beautiful post. Thank you so much for your words they have started to helped me figure out how to move forward, stop beating myself up and use this as an opportunity to transform my life. Thank you thank you thank you!
Thank you so much for this article Kris <3 I have a lot of issues surrounding fear. Your words of wisdom have inspired me to love myself more and not to let fear rule my life. xoxo
Not only was this extremely helpful, but so funny too! I was laughing out loud. Thanks!
Wonderful blog post Kris. We can all use some self love. Jo-Ann
Kris, my daughter gave me your Crazy Sexy Kitchen Book for Christmas. I am a fan, and I am thankful that the gift of Kris Carr fell into my life. This blog about fear is so empowering. I read it today, a day where fear was consuming me. Funny, you are so right. I know all of the things you write are true and there for each one of us. Still, we let the furry burry creature take hold of us and rattle us to incapacitation. Thanks to this blog, I get it and will use these powerful tools to celebrate-embrace-remove, and move on.
Merci,
Hi Kris, thanks for your very inspiring article. I have a couple of questions – when you say inversions help do you mean yoga inversions? Also, is Emotional Freedom Technique the same as tapping?
Many thanks,
Great Q’s AJ — Inversions: Yes I mean yoga, down dog, headstands, anything you can do that literally turns ya upside down and gives you a new perspective! And yes, EFT is tapping. x
Your timing of your feelings and how to deal with them was just what I needed to read at this point in time. I had a Spindle Cell Sarcoma removed from my leg last October and it has now made home on my lungs (they certainly get around those little devils) Have been told it is not curable and given a time frame of which I am not listening to. Had two rounds of Chemo but ended up with a blood transfusion as my body was not happy at all with Chemo. It only gave me an extra 6 months they advised so I believe quality and not quantity is what is the most important thing to me. Am trying to follow diet and excersise and mental healing and enjoying every day that I am living as I am still in good health at this point in time. Fear slips in from time to time and like you said the feelings of what music will I play at my funeral OH BOY! who will I leave my precious things to OH BOY! Who will my husband of 43 years meet once I am gone OH BOY! Then I slap myself back into reality and just enjoy the NOW!!!!! Am 61 years young on the 20th of this month and life is very precious to me so will continue to remain positive and your feelings and thoughts let me know I am not alone when some of my crazy thoughts invade my space. Am having a scan this week and back to the oncologist next week so not a good week to look forward to and pray I have the strength to cope with results and continue to do what I want when I want while I am still in good health. Once again you are an inspiration and I just loved your Crazy Sexy Cancer Books so please keep going with your inspirational life as it gives hope to all of us. Thank you
So well said, Christine. I will pray for you and send you all of the healing rays your way. Remember, YOU ARE AN INSTRUMENT OF WELL BEING!!!
God bless and heal you with abundant health…..
Minnie
Thanks Minnie for your healing rays Will soak up every single one. and share them around also.
Christine, am sending thoughts and prayers your way as well. Thank you for showing what courage is all about.
Christine – I am ordering a book called “Life Over Cancer” by Dr. Keith Block (I’m impressed with his web site as well). I love Dr. Lissa Rankin’s book, “Mind Over Medicine,” and have started a daily meditation practice which has been incredibly helpful…many benefits! Sign up for Dr. Rankin’s Daily Flame – she will send you an e-mail every day on Monday through Friday with positive inspiration! Here’s a quote from Kris when she was interviewed for Prevention magazine not too long ago. I keep it on a card in my purse – “Fear is a feeling, not a fact. Facing your fears is the only way you can understand your true power. Because what scares us is often a lot smaller than our perception of it. ASK – Is it a fact or a feeling?” Stay strong…wishing you many blessings.
Hi Barb, thanks for all your info I will follow up on all of it . Have started doing some meditation but it is a difficult thing to stay focused. When I find that zone, be it not for a long period of time it is extremely soothing. Any extra strength and wisdom is another tool to assist in dealing with thoughts and emotions. Your thoughts and comments are appreciated. Once again thank you.
Thanks, Kris. I have been sweating the last few days because I’m due for a mammogram in a couple of weeks, and having dealt with the Beast twice, I admit to being a tad nervous. Thanks for grounding me and bringing me back to the here and now. Help seems to come along just when we need it most. God bless, and keep that light shining.
Have been following and continue to be inspired by your “dance with disease”. This article on fear…wow..how glorious to read that it can be ok to let our fear in…and in fact help us. I so love your honesty Kris…truly do…it’s one year since my surgery for breast cancer and as it so often happens for some…my cells have once again decided to rebel…in my uterus…am I scared? Hell yeah…and it’s being heard as I scream across a river….but then there is a kinda retreat..a sorta quiet peace that comes…followed by a late night phone call telling someone how this all feels…so reading your article really helps me to know that these emotions are not really destructive but an overdue call to be heard…thank you…much love xx
Thanks for the article Kris. I am currently reading Jonathan Fields “Uncertainty: Turning Fear and Doubt into Fuel for Brilliance”, which has some great suggestions on this very topic. I’m looking for all the encouragement and reassurance I can find to embrace my fears right now. I’ve made the decision to step away from my safe and secure corporate job to a life of uncertainty as I pursue my dream of writing and travel. Reading insights from those of you who’ve done it helps so much! Thanks for your continued inspiration!
Thank you Kris – I needed this article today! I may be about to experience a 3rd round w/ovarian cancer. Tumor markers are up. In the midst of preparing for a possible battle, I’m also looking for a new doctor as my oncologist is not on board w/my ideas on supplementation, nutrition, & mind/body healing (Dr. Rankin’s book has helped me so much!) I’m making index cards w/hopeful messages like crazy but still find myself wanting to cry at times. I just started yoga teacher training to specialize in meditation & help others. I won’t give up, and it’s good to know that my feelings can help rather than hurt me – I’ll be working on that dance.
Thank you Kris for your timely message. I bought your 2 books 5 years ago when I was diagnosed with Lymphoma. It really helped me then. Now I find myself rereading and reviewing them because the cancer reoccurred. I will be doing stem cell transplant soon and the fear of the unknown is creeping. I am thankful for your encouraging message. I count my MANY blessings and I know something great will happen positively.
Thank you for this Kris. You truly are an angel. Sharing your thoughts and fears with all of us makes us realize we’re not alone, not crazy, just human. Lots of love.
Thank you for all your articles. I have no fear but my friends (including my doctor at the hospital) try and scare me into treatment. They think fear of death will get me motivated. How silly of them because death doesn’t scare me. I have a large mass in my lower abdominal area in which they insist on surgery to remove but I’m not ready yet because of life issues I am dealing with and others don’t understand because my priorities aren’t theirs so they try and put fear into me and then I have to deal with it and it causes me anger and sadness towards them. I appreciate your article and tips on dealing with this. I’ll follow my intuition and what I need to do. Thank you.
Kris, you’ve walked the walk which is why your words are so powerful and HELPFUL!
I too have a chronic form of cancer that can’t be “cured.” Acceptance and gratitude have become so important to me finding joy and peace, even when I’m in a scary place.
thanks so much for taking time to lighten and brighten my day (tomorrow’s a trip to oncologist for bloodwork!)
Kim, we’ll all be with you tomorrow. Thousands of little angels on your shoulders. x
I love you. Period.
You’ve taken a virtual nightmare and turned it on its’ head. What’s more, that ‘nightmare’ is a vastly collective experience today. Whether you’re the one who’s finds them self donning the threat cancer imposes, (as am I), or a loved one, looking on in relative helplessness, (I wear these shoes as well). To lend your mighty Spirit the way that you continue to, in the hopes of vanquishing the fear, the helplessness and hopelessness is just pure Goodness. It’s God, showing His/Her essence in this world. The good you’ve done for yourself teaches the rest of us what is possible. Your attitude Chris… it’s STELLAR. And I am thankful for you.
<3 Christiane
Love this….needed this.
Time to try and dance with a dragon!
XOXOXO
you are just a fabulous writer kriss. thx. This is how i see fear too, but your way totally rocks it! thx for being so eloquent and funny!
Great post Kris! I love how you advise us to listen to what fear has to say and then check with our intuition whether we agree with the fear and want to make a healthy shift or whether we simply want to decline our opportunity to react. Also coming back to the present moment and feeling the pillow under our butt and the ground beneath our feet is a powerful tool!
Thank you!
Dearest Chris,
This blog couldn’t have been more timely and helpful! I was diagnosed with breast canser last October. My recent thoughts have been that October sucks! I’m doing well after my treatment and have been extremely lucky and grateful. I’m ambling up to my annual screening this Friday though it seems like yesterday that I started this carnival ride. (I don’t like rides!) Fear has been flaunting itself as the date gets closer. Your blog really helps as this is the new reality for me. I am a very positive person by nature which has been a blessing, but I am human (thanks for the reminder) and now I have a way of managing/living with these feelings as they arise. You have been an inspiration to me this past year, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all you do. You are an angel.
Yes kris, fear brought me head on with my ovarian cancer relapse. I had a great apptment in June and in August, 2 pds and a nasty thought of FEAR……had me back getting a ca125…. Reaccurance..”.chemo”…. Fear again….but I have HOPE…thank you for your great blogs……tina
Thank you so much for posting this, I have fear but not for myself, for my daughter. We have an extremely strong faith but even we have fear…thank you for this blog as it makes me realize that we are certainly not alone in this journey..
Thanks Kris. This is great.
I also try to embrace the good side of fear, which you mention, when it is working in our favor. Lately I have come to believe that some of my fear is my intuition protecting me….from outside threats to all the work I have done to become healthy again. I know that some of my recent fear has been telling me to block these outside influences and to hold on to my Self and what I now I need. Sometimes fear does serve us, and for that, too, we can be grateful.
I swear I live in a constant state of fear while I am working (which could be 40 days in a row like right now). I love reading articles like this, because on a daily basis I feel as though I’m sitting beside fear. It’s good to be reminded we are all scared, and that it is okay. Thank you Kris.
Dear Kris, Boy do I know about Fear. I have lived it for almost a year now. As a very healthy vegetarian/vegan, spiritual person, working at a very spiritual place (Tree of Life) helping people with their health and fears as a massage therapist and colon hydrotherapist, I started having incredible back pains, which I attributed to the many massages and hours of work I was doing and the stress of a single parent. The fatigue and anemia I contributed to not getting enough iron in my body as a vegetarian and again the long hours I worked. I LOVED my job, I loved my life I felt I was in an amazing place, I did my meditations and prayers, I read all the books about how to have more awareness and become more enlightened and felt I was putting it in to practice (as my clients could see in me). To make a long story short. About six months into my brutal bone pain and incredible fatigue I was finally diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma, a fairly rare blood cancer that can only be treated, not cured. I hurt so bad in my bones I was in a wheel chair and to sneeze and cough was incredibly painful as the lesions in my ribs had caused two broken ribs. My numbers were so bed I really believe I was months away from death and in that moment, despite having my amazing 7 year old, I thought it easier not to be here anymore. I had so many people praying for me, everybody saw me as such a strong woman, yet I was scared to death and could not shake it. As a natural medicine person, I had always opposed the use of chemo and radiation, yet the doctors adviced me that the 3 tumors on my spine were so intwined with my spinal cord they feared I might be paralized at any moment, and I needed radiation immediately. And so I did. I had to move back to my husband from who I was seperated and we went to MD Anderson to start my chemo (even my naturaupathic doctor friend told me the cancer was so advanced I should start with chemo) I was deathly afraid. Everything I had learned was that chemo was more of a killer than the cancer, and here it seemed I had no choice but to start it. My first two rounds were horrible, I ended up in the ER several times for out of control fevers, needed 4 blood transfusions due to my severe anemia (my pulse was 94 at a resting state due to the extra work my heart had to do) and that with me having always had low pulse because of the triathlons I had done. See, one reason my fears ran so high, was that I had done everything right, how could I have cancer. I ate right, thought right, loved right, meditated, prayed. How could it be me, what else could I have done. There was however one thing that was broken in me. A very discouraging relationship with my parents. I had ran away from home when I was 17 and it seemed I was never forgiven for that as my parents did not treat me the same as the rest, refused to come visit me or even meet my husband and their granddaughter. This was very hurtful to me. There was no anger, but incredible deep sadness. I still loved them so much after 25 years and wanted their approvement. The world seemed to love and appreciate me, but I did not really see or care about that, I wanted my parents to see me for the beautiful person I had become, and they didn’t (or did not want to let me know) Although physically Multiple Myeloma was the least likely physical cancer I should get (I was not male, not african american, not over 65, not overweight, the statistics show those are the ones most likely to get it) I was a thin, vegetarian tall woman (those least likely to get it) However, I realised that the spine bones mean strength and support and this I had not felt since I was a little girl. I gave a lot of Love, but felt very unloved (by my parents which was all that seemed to matter). Even with me having cancer they refused to come visit me, though we did start writing. I KNEW I had to let go of the pain of the past, truly forgive and move on. I had lived with this pain and victim hood and low level stress for so long it had made my immune system weak and likely been the cause of the cancer. I started reading books again and decided I wanted to be around for my daughter.My mind started to shift. I started to look at the chemo as something that was there to help me, not hurt me. My immune system was so overwhelmed it needed some help, and the chemo was there to give it to me. When I made that shift my body changed almost overnight. I had lost 14 pounds of my already thin frame in two weeks due to nausea and when I started my third cycle of chemo I was able to eat. Almost all the side effects of the chemo disappeared overnight and the bone pain dissapeared as well. My cancer started coming down, though not very fast. This brought up more fear for me. My numbers were very high to start with and where most people only need about 4 cycles of chemo before undergoing stem cell transplant, I needed 9. The stemcell transplant was the darkest cloud I ever carried and It was there for about 8 months. The fear of it was so great that I again started looking at ways out of this suffering, to the point I became suicidal and was put on anti depressants and anti anxiety. I had always feared medicine but with all the stuff taking and seeing how my liver and kidneys were handling it just fine I accepted all the doctors gave me. I became a moderate. It was very humbling to go from an avid naturalist to accept allopathic medicine and I felt good about it. Fanaticism is never good. I did continue to eat very healthy, take my supplements where I was allowed to and had a lot of green drinks. Although the cancer went down very slow, my overall blood stayed very healthy despite the chemo. My white blood count never went low, my anemia started to get resolved on its own (though chemo makes the body anemic) and I felt very good ( not my own old self, but better than I had in months) Fortunately the anti depressants helped and it was time to go in for stem cell on August the 24th. I went into the hospital with alot of Peace and felt very safe. The day of the highdose chemo I did have alotof anxiety, but after that was done I was ready to go for the ride. It was not easy, I will never say that, but I did amazingly well and was discharged after only 15 days, with my numbers returning back to normal within a month. Usually you have no energy the first couple of months, but I forced myself to eat the best foods I could and as much as I could and went for walks every day, even started some yoga. I am now a month out and last week the doctor told me I am in remission (not full, but enough where they consider you in a good spot) He said the cancer will continue to go down over the next couple of months and I feel now strong enough to be in a place where my nutrition and supplements can kill the last of the cancer. Because I did not only heal my body, but also my mind (yes, I was able to forgive my parents and myself for the wasted years crying over the loss of my childhood) I am in a much better place now. Like you, Fear still comes up sometimes, but I manage it so much better. I thank the doctors for what they did for me, I thank the chemo for helping me, I thank the cancer for teaching me to live life to its fullest, to Forgive, to Appreciate, to feel blessed, to be kind and to help others. They say MM is not curable, unless it stays away for 15 years. I am not going to sit and wait for 15 years before I call myself cured. I am starting today. No sense wondering only to have doctors tell me in 15 years I am better. I swore that when I beat this thing, cancer will never be part of my life anymore, neither my husband and daughter. I am the one that bore that cross, and we all learned and grew from it. I hope my story will inspire others to never give up hope and to know, no matter how deep we go, there is light at the end of the story. God wants us to be well and remember the body follows what the mind believes. Thank you Kris for bringing all your knowledge and experience to the world. Believe me, you touch and help many !!!!! Namaste Cherie
Cherie – your story is so inspiring and a testament to the fact that we need multiple pathways to heal with possibly both conventional and alternative paths. I do believe that deep seated emotions and the stress that comes with carrying them inside for so long definitely contributes to illness. Thank you for sharing – hugs to you!
Cherie, it was a blessing and a privilege to read your story – thank you.
What a story Cherie. Thank you for sharing this with us, you are such a brave woman! All the best for you and many hugs!
Wow Cherie…what an incredible story you have shared with all of us. I am almost at the finish line of chemo treatment for colon cancer and you have influenced me to turn around in my mind how the chemo is helping me to become well again. I too, take nutrition supplements and do the best I can each day with the food I eat. This is cancer no. 3 for me and there have been some dark days/weeks of despair, but something just seems to click in that moves us into another state to be able to continue on. Thankyou for giving us/me the gift of permission to allow chemo to help out. Much love
Thank you so much for this…this definitely came at the right time! Last year my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer, she’s doing well now after treatment, but October has become my least favorite month. Pink everything and constant reports about cancer treatments, cures, and new research brings back all the fears and it’s like it’s hitting me all over again. Thanks again for reminding me to get away from the tv and computer screen and clear my head!
Thank you, Kris. This is exactly what I needed to hear today. I’m going to practice turning fear into courage by getting into the present moment. Time to move the body and dance!
Thanks for this post, it is very timely for me!
Thank you Kris. I am surviving ovarian cancer stage IV now…. Approaching my two year anniversary from discovery on October 11th, 2011. I have created a fear of October, have come to dread the sight of candy corn! 🙂 …. Your mention of the palette of emotions … Reminds me that I CAN choose to use another emotion this month. You are always an inspiration.
Thank you! and best of luck to the gal having major surgery this morning… Few posts back. My prayers are with you. 🙂
Hi Kris – Your irrational-rabbit-hole conversation made me belly laugh – lovely way to start a Monday! I saw myself and I’m guessing many others, but we don’t voice it out loud. So thank you for your honesty (I’m still chuckling).
I too find powerful msgs in fear; it’s usually about emotions from past experiences that I’ve long since reconciled, that aren’t true in the current context of my life. When these rabbit-hole-wanderings rise up, I do the kindergarten thing: “Stop, Look, and Listen before you cross the street.” And I recognize both then (past) and now (current me) I CREATE my life as exactly what I need it to be…then I Smile and choose/create a new script.
Lauren Gorgo sums it up beautifully: “The ability to consciously and quickly choose Love over fear in all ways”.
Thanks for this most vivid analysis of how to deal with fear. I have experienced some of these techniques myself and got insight into some others. I am living with the strong possibility of recurring ovarian cancer having been originally diagnosed in October 2011. However, I have managed to put that fear under control by facing that possibility, facing the worst case scenario – death and then moving beyond it. I have taken a very proactive stance to empower myself by nourishing my mind, body and spirit. Like you, I’ve found very healthy ways to eat. In addition, I am very proactive about enjoying my life by filling it with as many fun things to do including laughing as much as possible. I have strengthened my faith which gives me the courage to keep those other aspects of my life strengthened. I am a deep believer that cancer has to be dealt with holistically. In fact, we should all live our lives holistically, cancer or not. I recall my deep feelings of fear when it was thought I might have breast cancer and a permanent limp in my leg not long after completing chemo for my ovarian cancer. I remember applying the techniques of self-love, relaxation, and letting go and letting God take control. Once I did that, the fear subsided. Shortly after that my breast biopsy proved negative and the limp in my leg completely vanished (turned out to be a case of bursitis in my hip). My fear had convinced me the limp was the result of damage done to my body by chemo.
My goal in life now is to help others overcome the fears that such illnesses can bring and live a life of joy. Joy doesn’t necessarily mean being 100% happy all the time because as you so eloquently and humorously stated, fear can still creep into our minds. However, once you find inner joy, the fear never maintains a permanent foothold.
Thank you so much for this article!
Kathy Daniels
Hi Kathy,
I just posted a comment and then read yours…. It seems we are living parallel
lives with similar diagnosis since October 2011. Would love to talk or email with you sometime. My email is kecctusa@aol. Com. Please feel free to contact me.
Kathi McCann
Thank you Kris for your wonderful messages; they alway seem to be delievered when I need them the most. I have been battling with my fear of the “real world job” for the last year since graduating from college. I have a full-time temporary position but I have been looking for other permanet jobs for about 9 months. I have applied everywhere. I have volunteered constantly. I have just been trying to find SOMETHING. In a recent session of hashing with a friend I decided my biggest fear was that I haven’t been deciding my life and I feel trapped by the 8-5 day. This schedule is wearing and tearing on me and my personal life. I have to keep a job to pay for rent, food, etc., but I am lost as to what comes after this. I feel that going back to school to earn a higher degree is the next option for me. Thank you for listening and any advice is greatly appreciated 🙂
This is really key Kris- thanks so much for pointing it out. Several years ago, after a shocking cancer diagnosis in the same week as my husband declaring he was no longer interested in that position, I felt a terror unlike any previous experience-( akin to an imagined free-falling through dark space with its infinite vastness ) But at some point, I found myself just giving up and being with the fear-allowing it to ‘have me’ ? Like the boogeyman, when I finally found the courage to turn and face him, he shrunk, lost all stature and power-and somehow I survived!
Something that helped me greatly at that time- and still does today- is Rumi’s poem, The Guesthouse. He beautifully and succinctly puts it all in perspective. Perhaps mentioning that poem could help others too-
Thanks for all you do, Kris
xo Melinda
Thank you for extending the courage to face fear head on. What I fear lately is that after leaving a 17 yr marriage 4 years ago (which started as a rela when i was 17… so a 25 year connection) I will never find the love of my life again…but after reading your piece I realized I lived an extraordinarily blessed life (fabulous children, great job, delicious friends….). I received from your blog today that I need to be mindful that i am extremely blessed that I don’t need to face “real” fears like a cancer diagnosis or recurrence. You have placed my thought patterns into perspective and i plan to invite fear to tea (love it!) and then go on with a truly grateful heart. The right things have always happened at the proper times in my life and i have to believe this love piece will too.
Wishing you lots of health, hand holding and puppy love.
Cathy, you might be surprised. True love will find you again, when you’re ready.
Thank you so much for this Kris. I cannot tell you how much this post really spoke to me and I am going to work towards not slipping down the rabbit holes as much. Please keep sharing and writing – your words are a panacea in this crazy sexy life we lead!
Thank you Kris for another wonderful article! Another way I use fear is as a barometer for something great. Instead of panicking thinking that something is horrible – I tell myself “oooooh you’re scared, this means that something really great is about to happen.” This calms me down and allows me to feel the butterflies as you mentioned. When I do this I am able to see solutions much faster than when I am in panic mode.
Oooh! Karlyn, YES. YES YES YES. Such a good point and so true. Thank you for THAT. 🙂
Just what I needed to hear today! You hit the nail on its head with this perspective on fear and the brilliant strategies for working through it. I’m so grateful for your work.
Kris, I think this post is a perfect example of why so many of us LOVE you. You’re not afraid to tell the truth (or maybe you are and do it anyway) and you deliver your insight in a funny, human, and loving way…go dancing with the dragon…I love that. I tell a similar story and call it…dancing with chaos. Either way, we’re dancing with it and that’s what get’s us through.
Thanks, Kris. I’m heading in for major surgery this morning and have been scared to tears about it. I’m grateful to know, myself, that it’s OK to be scared, but I’ve been uncomfortable about displaying my fear in front of my boyfriend—it makes him uncomfortable, kicks up his stuff. (He’s been a champ, most of the time, btw) Oh, it’s a tricky mix. But I LOVE what you wrote: Love is the glue that holds infinity together. We’re all doing our best.
Thanks.
Sending you my love and prayers Cris. All that matters today is…you. xo
Thanks Kris. So hit the spot this am.
I have a chronic, undiagnosed lung disorder and when things flare-up I feel like I’m drowning. I did some Theta healing and have relaxed into the fear. It was an amazing process that has helped me tremendously!
In the session, it came down to “what is the worst that will happen? I will die. What happens when you die? I’m at peace.” My fear of dying was put to rest which allowed me to live….
Finding the messages in your fear is an absolute key to NOT let the fearful Goblins run your life and your decision making.
We wouldn’t want “craziness” to have a say on your future right?
Doing an intuition gut check while in fear is very challenging and will almost always give you an innacurate reading. In those intense moments I don’t try to get the answers on my own, I call in a faitful (yet neutral) guide like a coach or a trusted ally. There is something to be said for the magic of a safe and sacred space being held for you to help shift out of fear and back into full alignment with your inner wisdom.
Thanks for the brilliant reminder that noticing the “rabbit holes” and backing away from the edge is possible …. and while living life with all of our conditioning and personality quirks those pesky rabbit holes do pop up!! I sometimes forget how normal that is … xo
Wow, that’s a wonderful description of the many facets of fear and the healthful ways to deal with it, without being “preachy” or “lecture-y”. I’m moved by the way you describe letting fear flow in, be there, and flow out as you experience it as part of the palette of life, and learn from it and even grow. “…mind your manners, don’t interrupt it” (Love that!). I also appreciate your word picture of how fears can take you from a rational doctor’s appointment fear, to: you passed away, a dead Lola, and a hated Brian dating a 20-year old! So funny, yet so relate-able. Beautiful piece. Yep, I think I can see some beauty in fear. Thanks bunches!
Thanks Kris!
I know I sometimes look up a symptom on webmd (biggest mistake ever!) and get struck with the fear that I’m going to die within the year, but I’m getting better at staying in the moment and finding blessings. Thank you so much for all that you do, Kris. You’re such a sparkly unicorn 🙂
xoxo, Stacy
Kris, this piece really moved me. I am always living in fear of getting cancer (my mom died from it), and I am always at the doctor freaking out about this or that. This amazing piece has given me some perspective and really spoke to me. Thank you! Love your blog. Ashleigh xx
Ashleigh, so good to see Kris’s words help you get rid of your fear of getting cancer. When I read your note, I thought of Anita Moorjani (check out her story) who says a big part of her getting cancer was caused by her fear of getting sick. Blessings to you and to Kris for an awesome post.
Bless you for this, sweetie. I’ve been dealing with MS (all naturally) for over 2 years now and our whole family is still healing from the many unfortunate ways we dealt with the fear initially. It was my first experience of watching my loved ones lose it and reassuring them when I didn’t have a clue if it would be okay. To top it off, we lost our beloved fur baby 2 months ago. Tara was my therapy dog; my unconditional love and light in the darkness and losing her shattered me – but as I sit here cuddling with our 4-yr.-old boy and listening to the rain drops outside, feeling the warmth of his little hand, the crunch of his cereal and the softness of the blanket stretched between us, I’m able to connect with the tiny details of life. All of this has taught me to live in the now and not miss a thing!
Big HUGS honey. You’re so lovely and I appreciate all that you do for us 🙂
Big healing & loving light to you and your family Heather.
I feel you for the MS (a close friend of mine is diagnosed, it’s tough), and I feel you for losing your furry friend (snif).
Warm hugs,
XO
Caroline
Thank-you, Caroline. I truly appreciate your kind reply. Bless you, hon.
Hi Heather,
I just watched this video on MS from vegan advocate Dr. Michael Greger of NutritionFacts.org & recalled your MS comment that I read yesterday. Thought I should share it with you just in case it may help you somehow.
http://nutritionfacts.org/video/treating-multiple-sclerosis-with-the-swank-ms-diet/
My heart-felt condolences regarding the loss of your beloved dog.
Thank-you, KLML. That was so kind of you to share this. I have been dairy-free since my diagnosis and largely low-fat raw vegan for a year now. The discoveries of Dr. Roy Swank, Dr. George Jelinek and Dr. Terry Wahls have been my touchstones throughout this journey and it is incredibly encouraging to see those in the medical field supporting their work. Ann Sawyer and Judith Bachrach’s book also helped me realize why other seemingly innocent foods were causing my symptoms to flare.
I am not symptom-free and from time to time have to tango with that fear of the future, but my personal approach to any medical issue is this: If any ONE person has beat the condition – that proves recovery is possible. I am determined to reverse MS nutritionally no matter how long it takes.
Hi, Heather,
If you would like to read our story of “miraculous” healing, I’d like to put it out there. It’s on my website on page 5 (I blog a lot, so that may change) and the post is called: “Weird Science! Healing a Rare Blood Disorder: Cryoglobulinemia {Science Hasn’t Caught Up to the Truth About Healing}”.
Dis-ease is caused by fear – which is resistance to that which I do not understand. We have healed a lot in our lives and do not want others to believe us, but rather to face their fears full out and understand them completely so they can let them go. I do not sugar coat anything. I go straight for the pain so people can understand it. When I began to understand my fear of illness and my partner did as well? We healed so fast – it was like magic, no kidding.
Healing happens as fast as a diagnosis can seemingly kills us. It’s because the mind is far more powerful than I was ever taught to “think” it is.
Sending healing thoughts and strength. 🙂
I couldn’t find the article. Has it been taken down?
Thank you Kris. You need a game plan when it comes to fear and those suggestions totally helped!
A game plan is using now to prevent fear from the past from showing up in the future. Magazines and television are distractions that unconsciously feed fear by helping me avoid the understanding of it and how it first manifested in my life. Distractions of avoidance do not eliminate fear.
Here and now, everything is fine and rationally, we know that, but it is not so simple, is it? Why not? Because of the intellectual need I was always taught to value. Be smart! Be an expert! Convince others that your life has meaning! Phooey. lol
To let go of the imagination caused by fear, I have to face it and understand how that imagination began in the first place. It is not until I understand how I began my own patterns of fear that I can fully let them go and live an amazing life without those patterns.
Facing fear is not for everyone. It is for those who are brave enough to face the pain full out, relive it to understand it objectively, and let it go for what it is: a story that is completely irrelevant to the experience of now. 🙂
I liked what you said about taking fear for a joy ride Kris! I talked about this on my blog several months ago, because I had some experiences while mountain biking that reminded me of a unique response to fear. When it shows up, you just have to ride it.
“As a bee seeks nectar from all kinds of flowers, seek teachings everywhere.
Like a deer that finds a quiet place to graze, seek seclusion to digest all that you have gathered.
Like a mad one beyond all limits, go where you please–
and live like a lion, completely free of all fear.”– my favorite Buddhist teaching
Thank you for your teachings, Kris. Let us ride mountain bikes!