Hiya Gorgeous!
Over the years I’ve been lucky enough to work with lots of wonderful people as they make positive change in their lives. Whether it’s through Crazy Sexy You, at one of my wellness workshops or events, or online through this very blog—I’ve had the chance to hear (and sometimes even be a part of!) lots of inspiring stories of transformation.
Here’s something interesting I’ve noticed: Once people start making those changes and reaping the rewards, they want to share the news with everyone. It’s like they’re suddenly privy to this exciting new way to feel and live better—one that really works—and they want everyone else to get a taste of it, too.
I think many of us can relate to that feeling. When we find something that makes us glow from the inside out, we want to shout it from the rooftops. Sometimes the people in our lives are receptive and even grateful for the help. But often, something else happens: They don’t want to hear a word about it.
I’ve definitely been there. For me, the story starts on the first Thanksgiving I attended after going vegan (fellow plant-based pals, this one might sound familiar). I just could not stop talking about my new plant-based lifestyle! And I was so darn jazzed all the way up there on my soapbox, I didn’t even notice that my (preachy) message was falling totally flat.
There I was, talking about how compassionate my choices were, all the while failing to extend that same compassion to my family.
No matter how loving and selfless our intentions may be, telling someone else how to live their life rarely goes over well, especially when they’re not asking for advice.
But that doesn’t mean you can’t share those wonderful healthy tips and experiences with the people you love. You’ve just gotta know the right way to do it! And lucky for you, that’s exactly what my new video is about.
Press play to find out how you can share your passions with compassion.
The bottom line is this: People are not projects. I know it can be tempting to offer advice, but remember to lead with compassion and leave judgement at the door. Love will take you miles further than pressure ever will.
Your turn: If there’s someone in your life who could benefit from this, how could these ideas help? Or if you’ve already had the chance to positively impact someone, how did you approach it?
Peace and compassion,
I will have to follow you, the information you bring is very real, reflecting correctly and objectively, it is very useful for society to grow together.
This article brings a different opinion about this concept, so we should look it at many side. Keep it up.
Great advise here Kris! Love these gentle prompts!
The information is very special, I will have to follow you, the information you bring is very real, reflecting correctly and objectively, it is very useful for society to grow together.
Your videos, jokes and advice make me so happy!!!! Thanks Kris! I’m a forever fan
Please Consider a lecture of some sort in the Catskills, I would lovvveeee to hear you speak in person!!!
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This is just what I needed at the right time. I am visiting my parents and was just about to ‘confront’ them about their bad habits, which are making them very ill and unable to come and visit me and their grandkids abroad! My mum is on all sorts of heavy medication and infusions for Chrons, but still drinks a bottle of wine each and every night and loads of coffee during the day. My dad had bowel cancer and a light stroke and does the same. My whole life was spent on begging them to stop, but they don’t/won’t. When will I ever just have peace with the fact they won’t change?
Great tips! It’s obvious that people often get annoyed when they take advice for problems they don’t ask, especially when the issues relate to their personal life ( as we’re stubborn towards our own matters ?) Additionally, I feel people feel more motivated when they see or read successful stories/rewards of others which is positive reason that we should share our victorious experiences publicly 🙂
– Natalie Ellis
Hi Kris,
You are so right on. As a CA thriver,i am still learning,especially from you! When my sister was diagnosed and started tx. I tried too hard to influence her. Now I know the love approach works better. Im the care pkg. When i go down to visit in a week. Will hang out, help in any way i can and do my indian cooking,vegan treats IF she wants. Love works better!
❤ Judy
Hi Kris, great video, thank you! I am a health coach but this is still a great reminder….especially when it comes to my kids! They say “organic “ to me like it is a dirty word. I have found that just leading by example and educating them on why I am doing things the way I am while giving them options really helps. Forcing it on people never works. You really do have to wait until they are ready and ask for help like my sister just did this week finally!
Btw, I LOVE the sweater you have on. Care to share where you got it? You look amazing, are a shining example of what glowing health looks like!
Love the idea of the care packages. My mom has Type II diabetes, and I really wish she would eat better. Recently when we were talking on the phone, I asked her what she normally ate. For breakfast she would have bacon and eggs, for lunch sausage and something, then for dinner she would often have those frozen breakfast sausage and egg bowls. She lives in a small town in western Kansas, so she can’t get good veges. Not like there are many that she likes.
Any way, she would send me care packages when I was in college, so why can’t I do the same now? Would need to be non-perishables. Hmmmmm.
Hi Kris, My 13 year old son has some slightly irritating habits that I am trying to change. I have told him that his behaviour hits my triggers and I become irritated, so please stop…You are right, his irritating habits are my problem, not his and I can’t change him, just love him and maybe he won’t seek my attention by repeating his behaviour. I have also heard in Native culture, elders do not punish, they tell stories about children or people in similar situations to show outcomes of bad or good behaviour. Cool…
Kris, your message on how you cannot change people by force is the best yet! I love all your messages but this one especially helped me. You are so right on! We find something that benefits us and we want others to try it too. Though your heart is right their heart is not ready. As the old proverb says, You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink. But Jesus says we are salt to make people thirsty and then they will drink. Our loving example with joy can make people interested in what we want to share. Thank you for being a loving example to me.
So glad this resonated with you, Antoinette! Thanks for watching. Mwah!
Awesome blog Kris, I hear you on every level! My dad died in his sleep of a heart attack from Type II Diabetes. I always tried to get him to change, with no success. This is why I’m passionate about helping people when they don’t ask for my advice, which leads to more frustration. I’m going to zip my lips and lead by example instead. Thank you! xo
I’m so sorry to hear about your dad, Kathleen—that must have been incredibly difficult. It sounds like you’ve got a great mindset about sharing your knowledge. Lead by example, then share away when they come asking for your secret! xo
Great video! Thank you, Kris! My question is – how to encourage your significant other to reduce (or ideally give it up completely) their meat intake without sounding too preachy (or getting angry and feeling dissappointed every time he comes up with non vegetarian dinner options )? if anyone has any tips – i would really appreciate it! Thank you!
Take them to a veggie/vegan festival or event, start introducing them to Beyond Meat & Meatless Monday’s. I have most of my clients meatless at least 3 days a week, but I start with meatless Monday’s because it is the easiest day of the week to not have meat and there is so much literature and great recipes to intake on that day. Also change the environment in the home. If it is not there to get, they can’t grab for it and they won’t get up in the middle of the night to drive to get it. Baby steps with food. Kris said it best live by example and be the light and let them know you want them to be around a long time to share experiences with.
Hey there! Cooking them tasty meals (and getting them involved in the kitchen) is a great, gentle approach. And as Kaylove said, baby steps are key. Everyone has their own pace and it’s important to let them make change in a way that’s comfortable for them. xo!
They have the right to their own food choices. My significant other absolutely will not eat an evening meal that doesn’t contain meat. It just doesn’t meet his expectations. It’s the way he was raised and he is in no way interested in changing that. He sees nothing wrong with it, and won’t consider that there may be anything wrong with it. I’ve tried because my iron levels have been rising to a potentially dangerous level. But he just thinks I need to cut down myself and he doesn’t. I respect that. I am me and He is himself.
You’re so freaking awesome Kris! THANK YOU for all that you do for so many!
YOU are awesome! Thanks Vic 😉
What if they know all the information already but just love their (vegan) donuts too much to want to change?! (Not talking about a donut once in a while but a real junk food vegan, who also has really really bad IBS and won’t get help for it or change their eating!) I guess you just have to give up at that point? But it’s so hard when you love them and see them suffering. I’ve said ‘fine, but don’t complain about your health issues then, if you’re not willing to change them’. But that has also created resentment 🙁
I think being the light is your go-to strategy here, Charlotte. Just keep doing what you’re doing and feeling great, and people will notice. I know it’s hard to see people suffer, but you’ve gotta do what’s right for you and hope they’ll do the same. Sending you hugs!!
OOOOO, great ideas here Kris! And not just in health circles, but other avenues as well. Like being the know at all about how to landscape, paint, build, camp, hike, grieve, love. Show, not tell. Actions, not words. I had no clue about something on my house, my sister, instead of telling me what to do, took me to hardware store and showed me how to look for what I needed!
Love these gentle prompts!
I love that your sister did that, Dawn! I bet it was great time spent together, too. Thanks for sharing 🙂 xo!
Great advise Chris, I love the idea of making your Dad a healthy meal, (since mine is finally, at 90 yrs., decided that change is in store, and his doc doesn’t really know that much about actual health!
Thanks for all the good you do,
Scott 2
Thanks for your comment, Scott! I can’t wait to hear what you make for your dad—I bet he’s going to love it. xo, kc
Great post Kris, You Rock
The thing is we can’t change them, but they sure want to come to us with their baggage and when we give advice they don’t use it and then wonder why things won’t change for them. They do not see that they keep doing the same thing over and over again with the same results that they are not happy with. Perhaps they like pity parties, I don’t want to be invited.
Many adults act like baby in diapers, which is why many of us Adults have to treat them as so.
I walk the walk and talk, but I have decided I am not allowing those who say they want my coaching to drain me with their negative ways in the process.
Sounds like you’re doing a great job with boundaries and caring for your own precious energy!
I love the idea of going grocery shopping with someone! It’s such a unique idea and I know a TON about food, labels, and what’s best. Great tip, Kris! ??
Someone is going to be very lucky to share in your knowledge, Jessica! Thanks for your comment 🙂 xo, kc