Hiya Gorgeous,
There’s an ancient Japanese art of repairing broken objects that holds powerful lessons for our daily lives. It’s called Kintsukuroi. When pottery breaks, instead of throwing it out, the object is lovingly repaired with gold. What was once damaged becomes even more unique and beautiful—“a conversation piece,” as my grandma would say. Something with new life and history.
We, too, are more beautiful and unique as a result of our broken-mended parts.
And for me, the process of repairing often begins with grieving. Expressing grief is like spiritual Kintsukuroi—it’s the healing gold that makes us stronger and more radiant.
2016 was a tough year for many people—myself included. I experienced deep personal loss and crisis in my family. It rocked my core and continues to have ripple effects. A special shout out of gratitude to my close friends, sister, loving husband and spiritual practice for providing space for my tears and my growth.
Though I’m not ready to share specifics, over the coming months, I hope to blog in a more personal way from time to time. But, the specifics don’t really matter.
What matters is that a lot of us are grieving right now for our own reasons, and we need tools and support to process our pain and transform it.
Be courageous
It takes courage to grieve because it hurts.
Grief requires us to stay present and to acknowledge our sadness or pain, rather than pushing it down or nonchalantly brushing it off. And let’s be honest, feelings are slippery little suckers. When we deny them, they can get pissed off and come out in other, more destructive ways. Addictions to food, drinking, drugs, shopping, sex, negativity, co-dependency… the list goes on.
Full disclosure: I recently started therapy again and it’s been very helpful. Among many things, it reminds me that it takes an enormous amount of psychic and physical energy to stuff my feelings—energy that’s far better served nourishing my life.
So if you’re pushing down your pain, I want to encourage you to find a safe place to explore and express it. Your health and happiness will thank you.
Feel your feelings
If this conversation sounds like the medicine or gold you need right now, set the intention that whatever comes up is ok and accepted. You are safe and supported.
You don’t need all the answers—you just need a willingness to feel.
Allow your feelings to move through your body. Gentle deep breathing, full body sobs, gut wrenching screams, even ecstatic dance are all methods to release our emotions. It will probably feel intense at times, like you’re being swept under by an emotional riptide. That’s normal, and it’s where trust comes in. Trusting and surrendering to the healing process. Trusting that you can breathe under the waters of grief, or any emotion for that matter. It may not seem possible. You’re human after all. But, your spirit is capable of breathing in the entire universe.
So as the waves of emotion arise, we boldly and bravely allow them in and through. In and through. In and through, till the tides recede.
And, they will. You won’t lose yourself or if you do (temporarily), it’s because you needed to let go of what wasn’t working in order to embody your true power.
Now, this doesn’t mean that you’ll suddenly be over the situation—the loss of your job, your health or a loved one. Or, that you condone any abuse or betrayal. It just means that you’re willing to be restored so that you can carry on “with your one wild and precious life”, as the poet Mary Oliver would say.
Transform grief into action
And, speaking of your wild and precious life: grief can be transformed into action. Yes, please!
The loss of a loved one can inspire us to start or join a cause, our despair over animal suffering, climate change, social issues and so on can inspire us to volunteer or donate to charities aligned with our values. I’m always renewed when I turn my pain into purpose and in the coming months, I’ll be doing more of just that.
Difficult times break us open, but the crack in our heart creates space for gold.
Ok, that’s it. Love you.
Peace and gilded veins,
Still Loving you.
Kris, a good therapist can help a person with awareness, which is great, as awareness is the first 50% of everything in life. But actually “fixing” or resolving, the second 50%, is vital. That is what I excel at, compassionate, rapid resolution of stuck emotions, beliefs and energies.I care.
Thanks you Kris! I really need to read this today. My mom passed away over three years ago and she was my best friend. Some days are easier than others…your words have helped me want to put my greif into action. I have read a lot of your work and you are a true inspiration! Lots of love gorgeous! Thank you 🙂 Annie
Kris! O! Kris!
I just read an article on Mary Oliver on praying, Just pay attention then patch a few words together and don’t try to make them elaborate this isn’t a contest but a doorway into thanks, and a silence in which another voice may speak. An invitation to Wonder. Thanks for all you do! Cheers! Nelda
I’m re reading this post, as I sit in the vets waiting room, whilst my beloved cat, Hamish, has fluid drained from his lungs.
I don’t know if he will survive and my heart is breaking. The tide is very high right now, but I know, deep down, that one day it will recede. Til then, I’m just trying to breathe through my pain and despair.
Thank you Kris, for your words and inspiration.
Thank you so much for this. My baby sister, she’s 36, but will always be my baby sister just passed away in December.
It hurts so bad but I’m back at work now and taking and taking it a day at a time. O still cry every day now but I smile too.
She’s helping me live a much more ‘clearer’ life somehow. Not sweating the small things is so much easier. In honour of her I choose not to waste precious time in negative places or worrying about things I can’t change. And yes, I’m in the process of registering a foundation in her name. Our goal? So simple; to put smiles on people’s faces. Because she was always smiling?
THANKS FOR SHARING & YES GRIEF IS A PROCESS FOR SURE!!! ONE DAY AT A TIME…
Thank you so much, for your kindness & sharing your wisdom. With heartfelt gratitude, Laura
Nice. Very beautifully written and love your personal touch. I add, in fact, put at the forefront, asking God to hold me tight and help me through it. He will – He always does. Losses still happen – that’s life, sadly. But He helps us navigate and cope and keep on going when we are quite sure that that is not possible, in my experience.
And how very true your words about losses leading us to good. Of course I always ask the unanswered-as-yet question: why can’t we just have no sadness and no losses but STILL do good? Not mine to know yet, apparently. So I’ll try to be patient and find the good anyway.
Thanks, Kris- you take care — God bless you ~ Love, Judi❤️
So so beautiful!!
XOXOXOXOXO
Thank you for writing this!
thank you. Bless you. I admire you very much. You are an inspiration.
Its been very humbling to learn how many others experienced what felt intense grief in 2016. I was one of them. My husband, best friend, most stable source of family, and biggest cheerleader passed away in May after what was a very long journey of living with a chronic illness. He never succumbed to believing he would lose his battle and neither did I. In my heart he never did; his body gave up on him. Or it was time. Its still an hard concept to accept and understand even today after much work. I thought my path was being carved out. I met my soulmate, bought a house, brought in a beautiful dog into our family, and would eventually build more experiences and joyful memories together. Then this all changed last year.
After some very polarizing emotional months I eventually felt like I was learning how to find my own sense of stability but then over the Christmas/New Year holidays my boat was surely rocked again – I was very emotionally triggered. It all felt bad/dark/sad but Im starting to embrace these moments and emotions as not being bad but rather to be expected and necessary. My heart is most definitely more open today. I miss my best friend everyday and always will but Im noticing the intense joyful moments where I can really feel him and this love truly transfers into all other areas of my life I know my key is to stay open.
Kris,
I am so sorry to see that you and your family suffered a loss. I am so very sorry!
Grief is hell! I lost my little 20- year old brother in 2007. Griffen would have been 30 tomorrow. We can heal our pain but that is something you already know.
I don’t know your circumstances and appreciate that you are not ready to share. You are a soul who uses your losses and challenges to be better and make the world better. Thank you for that! You inspire me. I loved this post.
I wrote a book about my experience. It’s called All the Way to Heaven and Back. It published a few years ago. It is awkward for me to write this…I’m not into promoting myself but I am into helping others on their journey. If you are interested I would be most willing to share with you — not asking for a promotion — just reaching out to another person who is in grief circle.
Take care of yourself and keep shining!
Much Love,
Kim
As Rumi said, “The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” Much love to you, Kris. Thank you for sharing. xoxo
Beautiful
Thank you, Kris, for turning your own grief into action so many times and for sharing the resulting miracles with us. You inspire me always.
Thank you time and again! I lost my grandma this January and for the first time I m scared to the core. These days I m scared of everything. Seeing my aging parents and aging close relatives I get even more scared. Initially I was brushing off my feelings by constant auto suggestions like everything will be ok and may that was the cause of my weird behavior lately. Your article comes just in time to make me understand and accept what I am feeling. You are guardian angel to many! Me included! Thank you! May you heal soon too! Lots of love peace and support to you too for this journey! Love you Kris!❤❤❤??
Thank you Kris, Your words are so comforting and soothing. I hope it will help you to know you have made a difference in my life and I am sure many others. You helped so much when I was in the midst of not knowing if I would live or die. I owe you so much. Take care beautiful Kris and may your grief journey be an easy one. May it be touched with beauty of healing gold and make you stronger. Much love, Mollie
Beautiful and I feel you. I lost one of my best friends just before the holidays and have been absolutely heart broken. Dealing with other things at the same time, it’s just so much. Sending love & light to you as you work through the grief. It’s nice to know we’re not alone.
Thank you for you beautiful words. I’m in the midst of grieving my second miscarriage after years of infertility. Some days are harder than others, but I know the only way out from under the pain is through. Prayers and positive vibes to you.
I enjoy reading your content, Kris! I too have recently gone back to therapy after not doing it for many, many years. As I approach 40, I have grown tired of struggles that I’ve dealt with for most of my life. I’m finally at this point (I’m guessing it’s somewhat age related and also just where I’m at in my life in general) where I want to GROW and move on and no longer let these things hold me back. It takes a lot of work to uncover and sort through the past, but you are right in saying that it takes a lot of work and energy to push it under the rug too!
Thank you! Grieving along with you and praying for your gold, which will gild far beyond your own veins.
Kris. We all feel pain. Amen for that. Otherwise we’ll be as boring as a blank paper. Hurray for grief and for love, for pain and for happiness, for crying and for dancing our butts off. Freud proposed that is in the contrast that we really find pleasure and joy. Thanks for your blog and hope you find the peace you need today and always. Love!
My sister passed away 5 years ago from kidney cancer (she had 4 months from diagnosis to death). She was 45. A good friend of ours passed away the same year from stomach cancer (he had 19 days). He was 48. I lost my dog the year after that (she got hit by a car and died in my arms). During all of this my husband was diagnosed with cancer (they still couldn’t determine what kind it was). We dealt with his cancer for 7 years. He passed away 10/28/15 at the age of 52. What a roller coaster ride I have been on. I think I could have handled it better if it was just the cancer but he didn’t die from the cancer. His integrative doctor was working with him and the cancer was going away! The conventional doctors even mentioned that whatever she was doing (integrative doctor) it was working as the cancer was going away and he shouldn’t have lasted this long. He died from a hospital equipment infection that could have been taken care of. Long story and a huge mess. Such a very sad time. Last year I was a zombie. I just functioned to deal with what I had to. I have a son who is married and a teenage daughter at home. Life is challenging and I question my faith. I don’t feel close to God right now. I know there is a heaven and our loved ones are in a beautiful place. I feel very alone (he was my soulmate). I plan on getting therapy. I look forward to your words of wisdom and encouragement. Laughter and fun seems so long ago and yet so far away. It will happen again but in time. I have a 12 month grand baby that brings me joy and sadness (that his grandpa couldn’t be here to enjoy him with me). Thank you Kris for such inspiring reading! I hope you well with your situation.
Sara,
Thank you for sharing. I am so sorry to see that you have seen so much loss! Please know that you are not alone even though you feel like it.
I lost my little brother Griffen at 20 in 2007. It was devastating!
Like you, there were numerous deaths close together. It is hard not to question our faith when we are hit with one thing after another.
It sounds like you have been through hell and then some. I feel for you. Don’t give up! Keep knowing that you are stronger than you know and you will make it.
Much Love,
Kim
Beautiful words Kris, thank you for sharing! Feeling our feelings takes so much courage and presence and we all need reminders that it is ok to do this and very necessary.
Thank you Kris for this beautiful words.
They are especially healing to me <3
I hope that every struggle that you had to go through it's now over or in the process of getting healed.
I'm sending you all my love and i have to say that you are one of my favorite spiritual people in this world along with Marie Forleo!
Lots of big kisses from Greece!
Kriss, your words were so perfect today. I’ve been battling cancer for the last 7+ years and am just exhausted, and it feels like my body is falling apart. But since no one else is going to say it, I will. Donald Trump is causing me so much stress and anguish I don’t know how to deal! I am grieving over that more than anything these days. : ) Thank you for your love and beautiful spirit. Bundling up all of this love you send out to so many and sending it back to you.
Thank you Chris.
Only a vessel that is cracked can let the light in.
Love and peace and deep healing,
sarah
Sending you love, Kris. As a hospice chaplain, a cancer survivor, and one who has lost many loved ones, I completely value your genuine and heartfelt words on grief. Would love to send you my book, The Alphabet of Grief: Words to Help in Times of Sorrow, which will be out September 5th. Hope it offers some comfort. xox
You rock Kris Carr! It seems every time I really need inspiration you come up in my feed. Sending you love and light. Be well my mentor.
Great! It really resonated with me and much needed.
I like your authentic and poetic ways to think about lives hardships and pain… but still focussing on the next moment of action to increase life not get bogged down in the grief. I found a wonderful Irish woman who is science based and has her own difficult pathway post cancer her site is “Practical Keto” she has also recently released a cook book and its a best seller. She speaks at conferences and keeps up with complimentary cancer therapies/ clinics in Europe. Useful site and a course that helps with the Ketogenic Diet .
Kris, For whatever you are grieving i will hold you in my prayers and lift you up in my meditations. Blessings on you for your own courage to share. With love, Siri
Kris You are an Angel to the universe of those if us going through our grief. Your blog was so timely thanks to your words of wisdom I let the tears flow then opened it to Gratefulness. I pray for the constant light and faith to surround you . Wishing you many blessings and a light heart. I intend to serve those in need. Know that you are an Angel on Earth. Love and Peace to You Victoria
Thank you Kris Carr! May you know we all benefit from your honesty and sharing. My thoughts are with you, uplifting you through your difficult times, as you have done for us all.
I’m in recovery from colon cancer and have had a very bumpy couple of years. I enjoyed your blog on grieving and look forward to reading more. Your blog was forwarded to me by a friend. What a gift!!
What a timely newsletter. January has been one of the most painful months of my life and for a few reasons I am entirely broken hearted. A few weeks ago while in prayer this helpful vision came to me of my broken heart… and then I saw this opportunity in my pan and heartbreak to take the pieces and put my heart back together again in an even more beautiful way. A broken heart is an open heart and I have been taking full advantage of this raw pain and heartache to very intentionally put myself back together again in a more pleasing way. I started therapy last week and have been in research, prayer and community in the midst of all of it. It’s still pain, but I’m finding the beauty anyway.
You are such an inspiration for me regarding self-care, living life honestly and with integrity. Thank you for yet another truthful, wise post. Please take care of yourself and I promise to take care of myself! Sending you warm thoughts, love, and hugs.
Kris,
So sorry you had a great and deep personal loss. Suppression not good but sometimes necessary as a first reaction.
I agree giving yourself the time and space to feel is an important part of the grieving process and is the same for dealing with any type of trauma.
I personally find helping those in more pain than I am a good mechanism to dealing with grief/pain too. Especially if you are not at the point of being able or ready to confront your feelings yet.
Sending you lots of kindness, love and supportive hugs. Xx
Kris.. this post was a gift .. I have learned to let go and TRUST the universe ( ok .. yes there are still times I want to fight it at first ) ) .but when I let go I know in my heart and soul that whatever i need to support me in my journey of life. Will and does come exactly at the right time .. THANK YOU THANK YOU for this touching and heartwarming post .. you are such a BEAUTIFUL, LOVING, KIND , COMPASSIONATE ,SENSITIVE , GENEROUS and SOUL KRIS !! I appreciate all that you do .. For your strenght and courage to dig deep and do your healing work because i know how freaken scary and painful it is to accept the pain and be with whats coming up.. like you said surrender to the healing process.. the deep emotional pain .. freaken scary and painful as hell .yet i know its the only way to freedom .. more space .. more open heart ❤️ .. more of WHO I AM.. more to gove back and be of service.. thats why I absolutely love and adore you and trust you .. your courage to share yourself so openly and honestly .. you do yoyr work .. you walk your talk ..reading this made me feel human and that I was not alone .. sending you big hugs lots of love and light and prayers of healing . ?❤?Sheryl p.s .. you have been on my mind lately and I had this intuive hit the other day that something was going on with you .. i just knew something felt off .
Your blog could not have come at a better time. I too am in grief over my mum’s death adn while it was expected and she was 93, she was still my friend, and has just always been there. I spent every saturday with her and now there is a hole. I’ve so often stuffed my feelings down deep, yet now I am ready to let go and so have also restarted therapy – have not gone for years, so it’s a little weird but oh so necessary. Thank you Kris
Thank you, Kris for the wonderful advice and information. A friend recently lost her husband. I spoke with her just last night about his passing and her profound grief. Your own experience and desire to share your grief and wisdom will help so many. Take care.
Oh Kris you are such a darling !! I wish I could give you an enourmous hug , just so you know we care about you and hope you know his important you and your work is to us all …. KIA KAHA Kris KIA KAHA xxx
You are such a lovely, loveable soul Kris Carr. Bless you.
Thank you for sharing all of your wisdom and for bringing such joy and light to the world!
Only light can drive out darkness!!!
Kris,
This blog is one that uses words in such a gentle, accepting way. The 3 A’s are vital in my process. First I have to be aware of the “pinch” or problem that is not allowing me to live life to it’s fullest, second, I need to work on accepting that yes it is true more work is needed & third, take action to do the work in order to once again free my soul. . . .for now as these issues often resurface. Thank you so much for reminding me that to be human, to have feelings & to allow myself to just “be” is vital in my life journey. Blessings your way.
Hi Kris, Thank you so much for sharing about your journey. I am a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist and work to help people transform their grief.
With love and light, Laura
???
You are and continue to be an unbelievable inspiration to me. Thank you for your honesty and your loving support which I feel with every word I read. As a “matriarch” (my kids’ title for me) who wears her heart on her sleeve for her wonderful family, I avoid triangulating, but that doesn’t stop me from sobbing into my pillow at night over family matters that cause pain all around. I continue to send loving thoughts and white light; I will certainly follow your advice and feel the grief so I can release it and ease my poor body which I think is holding the stress and negative energy in my back. I have your books; am dedicated to your green smoothies; and I don’t get angry at myself for wanting a glass of wine with which to relax at the end of my day, 🙂 Thank you again for who you are and what you do!
This was very helpful thank you Kris and all my blessing to you.
Dear Kris Thank you for this post. Tears are streaming as I write…..I lost my mother and father last year and the fog of grief
still lingers. You write beautifully and I am a fan.
SO MUCH LOVE in my heart for you, brave and inspiring woman, well beyond your juicing greens.. but in the end we alone can take decisions and act on them, no matter the crowd of indispensable friends & family & pets, we have to walk the valley alone, and it’s OK, it is the way it’s done. But somewhere here where I am I feel for you, and cheer and wish and hope and imagine all good things..
I just absolutely love you…you wild and sexy soul …you!!!
This post makes me think about a 15-minute meditation led by the amazing Elena Brower on yogaglo.com. (https://www.yogaglo.com/class/1093) She talks how we tend to run away from ourselves when life gets hard, and how the simple act of breathing can become a coping skill to help us process our emotions, and get space from them. She talks about how emotions are like the weather — intense, but just passing through. I go back to this meditation all the time. Sorry to hear about your tough year Here’s to gilded veins in the future.
I’m standing nearby with a hug to comfort you. I lost my love this last year after 51 yrs of marriage & continue to ride the waves of grief . I always seem to feel better after hearing your warm comforting words!?
Wonderful Kris – your timing on this is perfect as I was experiencing much of this today. I naturally passed through these actions this morning and now feel much more personal calm (and serenity).
You do have such a wonderful way of expressing things! Out of the many emails I receive yours are always a pleasure and wonderfully relevant. Welcome resonance!
Beautifully expressed Kris. Grief gets pushed away or suppressed and then turns into anxiety. We need to learn more about how to grieve. Thank you for sharing your experience.
Love to you.
Michelle
THANK YOU Kris for your message…. and your sharing. I appreciate you. I so needed this today…..
Kris – YOU are GOLD!! I’m reminded of a favorite quote: “Ring the bells that still can ring! Forget your perfect offering!! There’s a crack in everything!! That’s how the Light gets in!!!” I think Leonard Cohen gets the credit, but I know the quote was painted on the wall of Elizabeth Edward’s office.
God bless you as you grieve, as we grieve. You are so, so loved!!
Dear Sweet, Beautiful, Giving Kris,
I am weeping for you. I am so sorry for your pain. I know what the depths of darkness and despair that come with grief feel like. Feel but don’t be consumed. Continue to give in whatever small ways you can muster. Let your spirit heal and it’s true, you’ll have even greater capacity for love,empathy, beauty when you emerge. Take your time, my darling. We are all here for you and some of — because of you <3
* We are here for you and some of us are here because of you ???☀️?
Thanks so much for posting this. Yes, I immediately went to the Leonard Cohen quote that I see has been posted here by others. It’s such a helpful concept for me to envision and that imperfection can make something even more beautiful. When my brother died 12 years ago it took me almost a decade to cut out the numbing, feel the feelings and truly exist as that broken person full of gold! It’s so important to hear messages like this because I felt so alone for so long. The Crazy Sexy Miracles lectures really helped me!
Beautiful and true words. It seems now is a powerful time, filled with opportunities to step into those areas of life we often resist so strongly. What would happen if we could simply sit in our awareness and release our need for control, our judgements and limiting beliefs? What magical possibilities would we be able to receive? Sending love and light to all who are struggling.
Great post, as usual. I once did a 3D art project I called ‘Beautiful Scars’. It was me, wearing stickers of all the traumatic things that happened to me. I became the sculpture and it was a bit odd having everyone up close, reading the stickers. But the connection and conversation was great and it was so freeing for me to put it in the open. I felt empowered creating a space for others to talk about their trauma. It is hard because we don’t, as humans, moved toward discomfort, yet feeling our feelings and being open is so healing. It is filling our scars/cracks with gold.
Thanks so much for sharing, this Kris! I so much needed to hear this! I’d also like to say that you have been an inspiration to me for many years!!!! I’ve bought your cooking books, I’ve read your newsletters and your e-mails. You are making such a great difference in so many lives! Keep up the great work!
Love this post. I actually adopted the moniker The Kintsugi Girl on social media and under which to write (mainly little haikus and poems) and paint as the whole concept really resonated with me . As someone who has been living under the shadow of stage IV cancer for several years I am scarred and a bit battered but still here and still trying to find the joy in the everyday and the beauty in the broken…. it is still out there. And in the words of the late, great Leonard Cohen just remember, “There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.”
Hi Kris. I love your blog and recently referred your info on juicing and “positive” to a friend just diagnosed with cancer. I too have been transforming and your article was fabulous! Thanks you:).
Dear Kris, Thank you for your sharing. I know you are a brave person and an example to others. You help so many people to know that they are not alone in what they are facing. Yes, it’s scary times for many…out in the world and in personal lives. It’s like the universe is saying it’s time to look deeply and release what no longer serves us…even if it’s uncomfortable to do it. In the end, we are stronger for having done that. Blessings to you and I hope you have all the support you need to heal. Love, Barbara
Thank you for your words of inspiration. My daughter went to see you in NYC And always treasured your hug. Cindy passed away in October and we are filled with grief right to our core. I’m so grateful that Cindy had the opportunity with her two sisters to meet you. Thank you for all you do to help others. God continue to bless you.
What stuck out to me most was trust, Kris. Trust has been key for me. Trust things will work out. Trust that all is in its’ perfect place and time. Trust that some things need to be let go and some things need to be brought in.
Trust that a beautiful soul will say/write the exact words that you need to hear/see at the perfect moment.
Thank you always.
I was always taught this Japanese practice was called “wabisabi” ? Either way, a beautiful thing to see the beauty in imperfection!
You are brave, and wise, and beautiful. You are loved, and held, and cared for. Keep shining your light!
My sincerest condolences at your loss, Kris. May your memories be blessings that sustain you and inspire you. As you do for so many.
Kris,
We all fell in love with your beloved Buddy. But then, he just seemed to vanish. I follow your blog & Instagram closely–did I miss something?
It is my prayer that he is still with you. If not, it is my prayer that he is running free, without a harness, without pain.
Can you share an update? I miss him so (yes, even though I don’t really know him). I just ask for some information–so that I can stop worrying..and wondering.
Love & Peace
Kathy
Kris, your words are beautiful. I am marking this post to read again…and again. January 2017 has started out rocky with scary sad news. I am so sorry you have experienced such loss and grief in the past year. Sending you my love. I am a huge fan of yours…you have helped me more than you know. May all the sentiments expressed here by those you have touched help you now.
I am 65 yr old and have had my heart broken many times. Thanks for this post. I now envision my heart veined with gold. It is so true. When your heart breaks, there is always the opportunity to redefine, open, and fill the cracks with wisdom.
Thank You
Kris,
Thank you for this. I lost a loved one 2 years ago and I too had to learn all this through a therapist. My therapist also said that there are no short-cuts and if I didn’t feel my feelings now, I would have to later even if it was years down the road. This was so helpful because I honored anything that came up for me and I set aside time for it. I literally scheduled crying into my evenings the way I’d plan for dinner. I’d let me husband know in advance that I’d like him to hold me and he appreciated not being blindsided and he felt relieved he could help me in some way. After each crying session a small weight seemed to lift. It never ceases to amaze me that despite the cavernous grief I was in, once my tears started drying minutes later I could let some happiness in and actually feel a soothing glow. For a while I pictured my loved one’s spirit wrapping me in a warm blanket and thanking me for honoring her with my grief as she encouraged me to let that light in.
hope things will go well for you this year, Kris, God bless you, ; your writings and videos are very nice and helpful, thank you again, Kris
Dear Kris, I just want to say thank you. You spend most of your time caring for others, teaching people how to care for themselves. We probably forget or take for granted that you need love and care too.
What you’re going through does not sound easy, I wish you nothing but love and light, and a peaceful way back to feeling better.
Please continue to take care of yourself. We’ll be here when you’re ready.
Ditto, Stephanie.
My god that post resonated with me so much, thank you so much
Lovely words and deep thoughts, as always. ❤
This is true and so beautifully said. My husband passed 6 years ago and it was devastating but I grieved, I felt, I cried and eventually I healed, I laughed and I transformed! This process takes time, so be kind and gentle with yourself!
Thank you For sharing Kris::)
#timeisyourfriend
Thanks for sharing this today. Helpful to hear. I have really been struggling.
I have been wondering why you did not do Crazy Sexy Miracles this year. I love that event so much and missed it this year.
Sending love, light and healing thoughts your way. You’re an inspiration!
Thank you Kris! I find this so helpful and beautifully written. Wishing you blessings and healing!
Grieving. My heartfelt feelings of compassion and love to you, as I’m sure is being expressed by thousands of other readers. Try to harness and consume the strength and breadth of this wind of devotion and care for you. Shalom
how apropos for my life right now. Lost my dad 1/16 and can’t seem to find the peace in a sudden death. Never on the best of terms – he was still my father……and I miss the sheer presence of him more than I ever thought I would. Kris you remind us all of that impactful quote: Sometimes the only way out is through. thanks…xoxo and prayers to you as YOU journey through as well.
Perfect timing. I lost my cherished dog, & then my mother in 2016. Would love to say that I’m getting thru it with the support of family & friends, but not so much. The gift of my grief is that I’m becoming a stronger & more compassionate person. This improved version of myself could not be found in self- help books or meditation; this me was born from facing & sitting with the deepest parts of my fears & grief. Love to all in this process.
Thanks so much for this Kris. I’m sorry you are having a rough time; big hugs to you. Grief is tough and awful and a part of life and as you’ve stated, needs to be faced.
“There is a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in.” Leonard Cohen.
Lost my Dad in August. He was the one person on earth who’d loved me completely since the day I was born. And I loved him. When I kissed him goodbye I told him I’d love him forever. No doubt. The sobs still erupt, and I let them. It’s not a bad thing, just proof of how much I feel. Thanks Kriss. For more than you know.
Thank you. Grieving the loss of my married self even though I am happy with my emerging single self. Appreciate this reminder a great deal.
Thank you Kriss! You are an amazing woman and person. You have helped me in so many ways these last three years. It started in the kemotherapi chair…that was the first time I laid eyes on your book on cancer. I bought all of your books. Your way of tackling this horrible thing touched me deeply. So I have been reading your posts since then. Todays blog post toutched me even deeper. Two weeks ago my Husband dropped a bomb in our lives, he had been unfaithful, he is in love with another woman… After everything I and we have been through! I am so angry and so sad! So you post today sank directly into my heart. Thank you!!
Oh honey. Big hug for you and a shoulder to cry on. You are loved. I surround you with angels.
Perfect timing. I was just in and out if sleep for fourteen hours, depressed. I lost my mother last Summer, and it’s hitting me harder now.
Hi Kris, I seem to be reading more about grief and loss recently than ever before, is it because thats where I am too, or has it always been spoken of, but I didn’t tune in to it? Maybe its a mix of my age group/peers, more open lines of communication and media, or a shift in global consciousness.
2016 was a devastating year for me. Grieving my beautiful mum’s death in Nov 15 (a week or so after we met in New York at your book launch actually), and looking after my sweetest daddy who was understandably grief stricken.. then losing him unexpectedly 9 months later in August. Plus marriage issues which had been ongoing came to the fore.
I created a short series of you tube vids on grief and somehow had a strong mix of being completely stuck physically and mentally and crazily active, driven with creativity at the same time.
I’m still mourning but accepted it and adjusting, life feels very different, I’m not sure what I’m supposed to be doing, business as i knew it has stopped, inspiration had dried up, a certain attitude to life has crept in (not so fluffy any more), not sure what I’m good for, but each day is a fresh start and a blessing, just getting through it, thats all I can do for now. Love to you and all those hurting, healing, recovering too xx
Second Firsts by Christina Rassmussen maybe a good guide for you.
Thank you. This in fact was exactly what I needed today.
Kris. Thank you. I lost my job very suddenly yesterday and your blog was what I woke up to today. I’m scared and hurt but your words were a beautiful gift this morning.
As a body worker I am every day witness to how those “slippery little suckers” transform themselves into physical pain and tension. Kris, I love the way you have articulated the wisdom of consciously letting things move through us, and how scary that can sometimes feel. The nature of emotions is that they move: as long as they are moving they can serve us, reminding us of our deepest priorities and values and of what it feels to be fully and deliciously ALIVE … it’s only when we stop them from moving they cause us great suffering. Thank you for sharing and keep it up! 😉
Thank you for the work you do, Robin! xo, kc
Beautiful. Thank You for putting my thoughts into words. Sending You Love.
Beautiful post thank you. It reminds me of my favourite Ernest Hemingway quote:
“The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places.”
Love this Diana it’s so true. Thank you-
Thank you, just what I needed to hear. Love <3 xx
Thank you. A confirmation and a reminder. May we all heal and grow into the very special BEINGS we are.