Hiya Gorgeous!
Today I want to share some life-changing advice I was given. We all experience fear of taking a risk and self-doubt. You know, that naggy inner voice that whispers negative nonsense that makes us feel insecure about standing out or doing things differently?
Well, sometimes we can trace that voice back to what other people have said to us (or about us). And this is what I want to work on with you today—because nobody puts baby in a corner!
Ready for one of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever received? Here goes…
What other people think about you is none of your business.
Ha! Yup, it’s their business, not yours.
The thing that matters most is what YOU think about you.
What you think about your dreams, about who you love, how you live, how you contribute to the world and so on. That’s what matters—your healthy opinion of you.
The more we rely on outside permission and validation, the less empowered we’ll feel to go our own way, share our unique gifts, or rise up to challenge injustice.
Sure, feedback can be a good and useful thing. I’m not suggesting we live in a self-indulgent bubble. I’m absolutely grateful for the times my best friend (and even my mother) have pulled me aside and encouraged me to look at things a different way. But not everyone has our best interests in mind–even when they think they do.
Therefore, discernment is really important.
We’ve gotta sift through the feedback in order to decide what’s valuable and what’s the other person’s baggage or boo boo.
Folks who like to flex their nasty or frightened muscles are often acting from a place of their own wounds. Have compassion for them but don’t let their drama dull your sparkle, dampen your dreams or plant seeds of doubt!
Again, if it’s the opinion of someone you truly trust and value, carefully look for the nugget of wisdom that could help you. But remember—their feelings aren’t your facts.
And no matter what, just keep doing your best and spreading your magic.
I’ve got a lot more to share on this topic, so press play to get my take on how to stay in your power, so you don’t let other people’s opinions tear you down.
In this video you’ll learn:
- How self-doubt plagues us all
- More nuggets from the best advice I’ve ever gotten
- Tips for staying focused—not afraid
- How to deal with haters and rise above negativity
Feelin’ inspired? I sure hope so! You are meant for great things, sweetheart. Believe in yourself. This is your one great life and you get to decide how you want to live it.
Your turn: How would your life improve if you weren’t so worried about what other people thought? Or if you have advice for how to handle criticism, please let us know! Leave a comment below.
Peace and kindness,
Interestingly this very sentence has been circulating in my mind for a while now, and serves as a healthy affirmation , “I am responsible for my life, others are responsible for theirs”. To tell you the truth, it helps me blossom and accept…me.
I suppose it takes the weight off of my shoulders, anyone*s shoulders, to release the imagined responsability for others.
Bless you Kris, you are the best!
Most annoying when you are criticized by people who do not understand the problem at all. Couch experts. How to deal with such people?
Hy Kriss,
I´m from Germany. I heared the wonderful flow summit. Your interview was so brilliant. Thank you. At the moment
i am reading your book crazy sexy gesund. I love it. Thanks a lot. I´m a yoga teacher and i love so wonderful thinks you have told us.
I loved this post and the video. I’ve been holding myself back from kickstarting my life into the direction that I want to see it take, because of fear – fear about doing the right/wrong thing. Well, if it’s right for me, right now, then it’s the right thing, right?! ?
Thank you!?
Hi, I haven’t read this article yet (I will after this comment), because the title makes me very excited and I went straight to reactive mode. I’m often concerned with what other people think of me, even with people I don’t even like that much myself or people I will encounter just the one time. To say the least, it frustrates me very much to be concerned with this because I know that what people think more often than not, has nothing to do with me but with them. I also know it doesn’t really matter: it’s about how you feel about yourself. If you can accept yourself completely, rejection by others is not really possible anymore even though on the surface/the form/manifestation it may look like you got rejected (maybe you get fired or your partner breaks up with you). The “none of your business part” of the title somehow gives a “little” nuance or different perspective to this concern I have going on. That makes me smile and excited. Some things I find obvious and logic but sometimes you “need” someone else to point that out for you. Yes, of course it’s none of my business (I just got my Homer Simpson doh moment, maybe that’s why I’am smiling). I will remember it. Thank you. Now, I’am off reading the article (and others, you got some cool articles, thank you).
Kris you are so genuine, wonderful and caring. I listened to you with tears in my eyes, because it was so comforting to hear such genuine,caring advice.
Thank you sooo much! This really came at the right moment in my life! It really touched my heart and soul <3
I definitely needed to hear this today. Your words are always so uplifting and insightful. Thank you, Kris ❤
Going through this right now. Thanks ! I need to focus on my work / vision / and the Love I want to spread.
You’re Amazing! I have two of your books and I’m like so glad that you wrote them. This video is like just what I needed today.
Awesome! Thanks Rachel, glad it resonated with you. 🙂
Kris your words always hit me in my reality gut. I tell myself I don’t listen or take on negativity, but reality is, that I subconsciously do, which holds me back. I really am going to let the comments and opinions of others be, and not let it be any of my business……love to you
Love right back. Also, we all do. It’s not easy, I think of it more like an ongoing practice, one where I’m always looking for new tools to help me stay centered and in the positive, so I can keep moving forward. 🙂
lovely talk and very true
Great video!
Thank you for this! Since I always worry what others think of me, I know I hold myself back. This is the boost I need to hear right now ?
Thank you so much for sharing these words of encouragement. The world needs more more messages like this for sure.
Thank you for the work you do and the inspiration you provide to me and so many others.
Kris, you are a true gift to the world & have been improving many aspects of my life with your wisdom for years. Thank you! This love article came at the perfect time, what other peeps think is something I am working on just simply not caring about anymore & your words are SO true and helpful. Amen to this & then some amazing lady! Hugs & good vibes “- )
Love this and especially the RBF (resting bitch face) moments ???.
I like to do a simple meditation and imagine whomever in their cage all angry and hurt ? and I pour golden purified love ? all over them and then blow said cage up just like ‘Piper’ from Charmed would. ☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️ Love from England xxx
I live with constant criticism and negativity. It is from an aging parent and has manifested as the fear of a life closer to its end tales over.
I combat the negativity with love and laughter. It works. But some days when life ‘happens’ and my light is waning and not on super strength the dark words cast shadows and self doubt. I seek warmth and find a happy place that begins to nourish my spirit and strengthens my light again..
A heartwarming film; a favourite uplifting or even sad song: an inspiring quote from Louise Hay or you Kris Carr; or plain love from hearing a friend”s voice….being present. Hearing and helping someone going through a tough time and realising words do not hurt, life is good, others’ opinions do not define me. The older i get the easier it is to replenish my light and not let others ‘dark’ (fear and insecurities) cast shadows. I take responsibility and hug my mum and tell her I love her…. or remove the negative person from my life or myself from the dark.
Love, hope and compassion rock! They are contagious…
Thank you for your message.
Some days they resonate loudly.
Keep authentic and laughing and sprinkling your magic. #grateful Xx
Love your bright spirit! I’m a singer/songwriter. Sometimes the most well meaning people can (unconsciously)/inadvertently really screw you up with their (un)helpful advice. I’ve heard lots and lots of stuff over the years that unfortunately, I listened to – not on purpose- and it sticks in your head and suddenly I hate all of my songs, or I hate what I write or how I look when I see videos or – just whatever. You really have to be so so careful with the information that you hear. It can make you just not want to play anymore. When you need to be playing and writing and singing. And recording etc.
I like to watch Jimmy Kimmel’s Mean Tweets because it makes me laugh at just how ridiculous jealous trolls can be. It’s harder when it’s your mom or your boyfriend or even your bff. And it also helps to remember that people have said the stupidest things – like Bridge Over Troubled Water is too depressing to release as a single and “it’s not a hit” or Dolly Parton will never amount to anything because the girl can’t sing. Madonna’s a slutty fad who will come and go. Marilyn Monroe is so ugly she’s ruining my pictures- fire that trashy blonde (true story -David Zanuck fired her). Freddy Mercury unfortunately believed what critics said about his piano playing and quit playing after awhile. He was great on the piano as well as an incredible singer.
Anyway, if you do anything in life, there will be critics just like ants at a picnic.
Play your music LOUD, Kellie Sue. It’s great, like you. That I have no doubt about. 🙂 Thanks for all your thoughts… ants at a picnic is one I’ll always remember. x!
Love this, just sending it to my friend’s teenage daughter. Great life lesson to learn at a younger age.
I was born and raised in the Philippines and my grandpa had told me a trick on how to handle haters. He said to think of them as an empty can.
You see, when a can is full, you can tap it hard and it’s quiet. But when you tap an empty can, it makes a lot of noise and it could be pretty loud. So I take delight in imagining them in my head as an “empty can’ and it’s hard to get your feelings hurt when you’re having a good time imagining them as a loud, annoying empty can.
That’s perfect, Christina! I love your grandpa’s sage advice.
LOVED Your message . . . a former colleague had your very message posted in her office – it served as a reminder every time went into her office. I haven’t worked with her for several years so it was nice to see the words again and be reminded of their importance.
Thank you!!!
That’s awesome. Thanks for sharing, Christine.
Wow, this was perfect timing for me. I love when people are up front and shoot straight from the hip – so much more honest and beneficial. Thank you, thank you, thank you..
I love that too, Danielle. 🙂
I was just diagnosed with a malignant effusion. Will you please send me names of centers you think would best serve me?
Thank You for all your goodness!
It’s so funny, I often think of this in the reverse, as well. As in — what business do I have commenting on someone’s business? For example, on social media when someone will be all negative about men/dating. I’ll reeeeally want to say — you attract what you put out there, girl, and you’re puttin’ out a whole lot of negative. But I’ll stop myself (which sometimes is hard because I think I’m so wise 😉 ) — cuz it’s really none of my business!
I can relate to this myself, Marianne. GREAT point. Just because I give advice for a living, doesn’t mean everyone wants it. Especially when it’s unsolicited by friends and family, LOL. Thanks this. 🙂
Hehehe…
If you don’t already have a copy of the movie “What about Bob” rent it! Bill Murray (Bob) bumbles through an hour & a half comedy displaying EVERY phobia known as Richard Dreyfus (dr Marvin) try’s not to help his patient because he’s on vacation with his family. I love this movie, Bob shows us he doesn’t worry too much about what others think as he’s thought to be crazy he’s really the teacher!
I haven’t watched that movie in years, adding it to netflix, thank ya!
Thanks Michelle I’ve never seen this film.
Always great to hear you Kris. May thaks I do have trouble trustig my own voice or even hearig it at times! Many thanks Julia
Sending you lots of love Julia! xo, kc
Love your inspiration and encouragement on just being you and not letting anyone dull your sparkle! You definitely have lots of spark and I am reclaiming my spark and passion for life and focusing on my dreams and not what others think!
Go for it Dani! xo, kc
Love this and love you Kris! You always make me laugh; great way to start the day!! I good friend of mine said that very statement to me a few years ago when someone said something that really bothered me. It was like a light bulb went off in my head and allowed me to see things in a different light – literally; I was able to let it go! We are so blessed you allow your true self to shine upon us! xxoo
Thank you Donna xo, kc
Very helpful and inspiring thank so much to remind me that feelings are not fact, thats one of the most important truth we all need
Thank you! I needed to be remainders of this. However, I am over sensitive and do get easily hurt but what people say or how they say it. It’s a journey for me. I hope to transcend hurt and be as grounded as you are one day!
You’re on your way Iva. Sending you lots of love xo, kc
Amen. I agree, always look at the ultimate intention of the criticism. Then say a prayer for them and for your dreams.
Love you Kris! ❤️??????
And I love you, Pam! 🙂
Brilliant! Thanks Kris
I have learned that critical people are truly only speaking about themselves. I have become aware that what they are pointing their fingers at or are accusing others of is either their actions or their fears. My best way of dealing with them and to stop and recognize where they stop and I begin, boundaries are necessary. To identify when in my life I too was so unhappy I blamed others for everything I didn’t like about myself. I hear their judgement and feel for them as they are only acting out on self hatred as I once did. Knowing happiness is an inside job I recognize that I am powerless to change their feelings and negative thoughts. The freedom this provides is immeasurable and with it I leave them with their own “stuff” and don’t carry it with me. If I compare myself to them instead of trying to identifying where their angst/fear/yuck is coming from I join their pity party. Comparing translates to defending myself even if just in my head. What I feed grows so with the identification I recognize how far I’ve comes since the days I acted as they are and I praise my progress and use that motivation to move on.
Incredible, Danielle. Thank you.
Good morning Beautiful Soul!
You make my day, thank you!
God Bless 🙂
Hi, I’ve learned not to ask what people think but instead I ask what people like and wha they’d like to see or learn more of. This is my way of keeping the negative words away and focusing on all the good we can accomplish together.
Thank you for sharing your message!!!
Great advice, Soula. Thanks for sharing it with us.
Hello Kris, thank you so much. It was something I needed to hear right now, having a hard time myself at the moment.
Kathrin
Thank you, Kris, you rock! Your beauty and light lifted me up this morning. I had lived most of my life so concerned and worried about what others thought about me. Giving al of my power away to the validation of others. Believing that my inherent worth and value was in everyone else’s eyes.
With a lot of hard work in my 12 step programs, prayer, meditation, EFT, and support, I have come to a place where I am more internally referenced and ready to let my spirit be free! Free to be of the highest service to myself and the world. Thank you, again. Xo
Right on, Kelcy! I can see all the hard work you’ve put into your healing––it’s really paying off!
Thanks for always putting the positive out there for us to catch. It’s so fun how they show up when you seem to need them.
Kris, that’s the BEST advice! I have learned that the reason I was listening to these naysayers was because I had my own sh** to deal with–I was keeping my own self down. Knowing yourself is your best defense!
Hi ya Gorgeous Goddess! The Universes never ceases to amaze that a message I need to hear, that I didn’t even know I needed to hear, comes through at the moment I need it and only from the Angel that can deliver that precise message in a way that I can hear (that would be you in this case, smiley face). Today is not so much a day about worrying what others think of me however it was a morning when my dream career seemed so unattainable until I saw this video! When I see you smile and you share your experience, strength and hope, I am reminded that no matter my “conditions” or “circumstances” I will and can achieve anything I desire in my life. Thank you for being the Light that you are and sharing that said Light with the rest of the world… rock on sister!!!!
What a powerful light bulb moment! I’m happy I could play a part in turning it on, Karen. xo!
Great advice! I’ve been following you for years. I’m wondering if I can somehow get access to the SARP videos again. They changed my life. I still hold my hands out frequently and say “miraculous person please find me.” You are one of them. Thanks!
Beautiful advice! I made a life changing move and during it, I chose kindness and compassion as my guide to dealing with the ones who it would affect most – myself included.
Kris, you are a beautiful lady. I am going out today with a smile on my face. Thank you. Marion
Smiling back at you, Marion. 🙂
Thank you for this! I needed this today, this week, this month!
Well said! If I would care what other people think, I would not start my wellness website and I would listen to my parents, both conventional doctors, struggling with autoimmune disease, that the road to health leads only via conventional medicine.
Good for you for being so courageous, Hana!